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I'm going to use this page to rant on about whatever the hell pops into my mind, shakes it up, confuses it, or enlightens it on any given day. Its going to be random and hopefully thought provoking. I haven't got the discipline to keep a journal, but I just don't want to keep adding on bits and , to the other main topics!

Madrid,Lisbon & Cramps 1/10/09

The days are ticking by nicely, and soon I will be in Madrid. Am not banking on having great weather, but just the change of scenary, and long chats with my friends are so worth the wait. It is going to be an especially welcome trip as today I received two weeks notice. The end had been in sight for a long time, so it did not come as any big shock.

All I could really say was a big thank you for all they did for me over the last years. My co workers Paul and Danny were just exceptional, and the main reason why I could hold down my job for so long. As I got more and more physically decrepid, they would do all in their power to make things smoother for me, whether it was re-arranging the furniture, or picking things up which I was constantly dropping.

Everything they did, they did quietly and without any desire for praise. I am fully aware that this is a very competitive age, and there are lots of healthy people out there looking for work, so I am not going to loose any sleep over it for a while. Even though the thought of glazing bowls in a rehab centre is not particularly appealing. I have got the van now so I do have some choices, and it is not healthy to look too far in the future, as who knows what good things tomorrow has in store.

I am still getting emails from this Fitzpatrick man, who is calling for all the allied troops to be pulled out of Afghanistan and Iraq. To my mind, he should be more concerned with lobbying for change in these countries, which are hotbeds of shariah law, and are terribly oppressive to women, gays and other minorities. The idea that Iran is trying to be nuclear capable is very frightening. But then again this should come as no surprise, as this is the country that still executes gays in football stadiums as part of a public spectacle.

Also why would India be spending huge amount of money trying to be in nuclear power, when a fraction of this money could elevate the suffering of hundreds of millions of its own citizens. The countries of these regions have there priorities all screwed up.

Tomorrow is the Lisbon referendum and I really hope there is a resounding yes . I have already vote yes "again" through my postal vote two weeks ago. I hope there will not be a protest vote like last time, which was the reason which allowed the no vote to win last year.

The government just arrogantly commanded the people to vote yes. As far as I am concerned, if Sinn Fein, Dana, and the Catholic Church are urging the people to vote no, then that is a clear sign to vote yes. Where would we be without Europe? A tiny island on the periphery of Europe I am sure we would end up like Iceland, bankrupt and chaotic. I think there is a lot of scare mongering going on. I have a lot more faith in Europe, than in the two faced, pocket lining, irish fat cats.

I am having terrible leg and torso cramps of late, so if anyone knows any yoga moves or tips, please pass them on. Now with the job gone, I will have to re-prioritise my life. I want to start writing, and I have a few other long overdue projects. I think it is always good to have one eye fixed on the long term, which reminds me that I must plant my tulips and daffodils for next spring!

I learned that my good friend joe died in naas hospital two months ago. Last time I called in to see him in the nursing home and was told that he had to go into hospital because of a chest infection, I remember hoping he would not come out. For what? To endure years more of an existence involving medical trips, punctuated only by the very occasional social outing or visit.

Thankfully I had started to vist more often during the year, rather than just leaving it at the usual easter and Christmas times.The horrible smell of disinfectant, and the same old people existing on in their own world's made it always an effort for me to go in. Although I could always be gauranteed that when I went in , he would be in the same position in bed,with his big bloated sausage like fingers clutched around his beaker.

So all in all, I certainly don’t feel like sheding a tear. The only thing I do regret is not having any video or audio of him. He exists now only in my memory. A couple of times I did think of sneaking in a video camera, but I realise that this would have been very unfair to capture him in his physical worst, minus teeth.

Just back from having my seafood in Avon Ri in Blessington Holiday Village. The weather is atrocious and I have holidays coming up, but nowhere to go . But that I am glad that I have nowhere lined up, it just is very hard and expensive to arrange a holiday when you need assistance . So I am looking forward just having some lazy lie-ins and catch up on some reading.

One of the good books that I am reading at the moment is called " THE MASK OF CHRIST " which really shows how the bible really is a work of fiction , and not even good fiction at that . It does not stand up to literary investigations, given that the authors of the selected gospels repeatedly contradict each other . For me it just goes to show how deep the level of brainwashing and programming went. It seems that it never crossed people's mind's, to question the validity of the bible a few decades ago.

We all fell for it hook, line and sinker. I feel personally at this stage that you cant just sit on the fence with regard to these issues. I know a lot of people who never set foot in church until they plan on getting married, and for me, this is not only hypocritical, but wrong on so many levels. It would personally be galling to me, to just quietly go along with all this charade. Do we really believe the creator of every plant and species and star in in the universe in coming back and forth repeatedly in the guise of a piece of bread???? Does he not get dizzy ? Would’nt it be much better all round, if people put more effort and focus into this life, rather than feathering their nest in a supposed afterlife?

At the moment I’m in a facility in newbridge, and there are more people worthy of admiration here, than any moron that a lot of people still (thankfully a lot of people are waking up) are more than willing to contort themselves before. Saw the craziest sight today in a service station in roscrea. A garda getting a guy to take off his trainners while he (the garda) was having a fag. So much for on duty professionalism! Never seen a garda with a stocking clad suspect, with his hands cupped behind his head, in a haze of cigarette smoke!

To my great shame I've neglected this blog page for far too long. Its takes discipline to maintain a blog, but one of the main reasons why i have'nt entered anything on this site is that i have'nt got any positive e-mail in a few weeks, so it all feels a bit pointless. I'm maintaining my book reading routine, its a terrible pity that I never read for pleasure at all up until a few years ago. I am reading a very good book at the moment called The Caged Virgin by Ayaan Hirsi Ali who is an ex muslim liberal party member in the Netherlands. She has been abandoned by her family, and is living her life surrounded by bodygaurds for the great crime of daring to think independently, and essentially de-programming herself from the islamic mindset. I know when I am in Dublin, and especially when I was in Manchester last year,I seem to see more and more veiled women. Instead of just feeling pity for them, I now do feel anger towards them, because it is essentially a form of abuse that they are justifying. It is essentially a visual display of just how downtrodden the female sex is in Islam. But there is never any attention give to the increasing amount of children born with rickets, as a result of their mothers having extreme vitamin D deficiency arising from their lack of exposure to daylight. How insulting it is anyway to think that the merest display of a womans skin is going to the get men all hot and bothered, even if all the men around her are gay and the woman herself is a wrinkled old prune !

The Koran really is just a rehashed tribalised version of the bible, only this time, instead of being written by desert nomads, its written by a vain paedophile. I really would be very much an advocate of strict separation of cults and state. Any ideology that attempts to limit or restrict what you can or cannot do with your own body, or restricts what you can even read, has to go. I really hope that this dangerous cult does not establish a stronghold here, and as christianity starts to fade, that we do not go from the frying pan into the fire, by adopting these fear based ridiculous beliefs.

Now that my 3G Vodafone contract has come to an end, and my last few weeks with them were not great in terms of speed, and waiting ten minutes for an e-mail to download, I started to look around for alternatives. I tried the Meteor shop in Newbridge, but we seem to be just beyond their range. Then I tried 3, but they have no coverage in our area. The annoying thing about this is , that everyone around us has Eircom broadband, but we are just beyond the catchment area. Iam now with O2 and I have to say I am very happy with them. There are some terrible reviews about them on the internet, but in my case for €20 per month it is great value, and sometimes i can even get up to full broadband speeds, and can watch YouTube uninterrupted. I would die without my internet. I know for a fact that there are so many people with disabilities completely isolated from the world, and having the net with a world full of different thoughts and views is brilliant.

Went up to see Bruno, the new film by Sasha Baron Cohen and it was fantastic. It was much better than I thought it would be, and there were a few parts in it that I thought I would fall out of the chair, I was laughing so much.

My flowers are doing extremely well. Really i would be a firm believer in Plant Grow, because between that and the soil, the flowers are really vibrant and colourful. I can fully understand why some people are so obsessed with their plants and flowers. Outside my bedroom theres a wall, so with all the new plants, it has made me feel much less like an inmate in a cell.

Love this solar powered garden feature. The orb in his lap changes colours. Have seen similar expensive versions, but this one was only €15 in tallaght. Got my orphan/military buzzcut for the last time. Short back and sides are fine, but when you can see your own scalp, enough is enough! After a three week abscence, am back at the gym in naas. It takes away some of the guilty feelings now that swimming is finished.

Got a couple of interesting emails recently. One was from Judith Kelly, thanking me for reading her book "Rock me Gently", and secondly from professor elizabeth grubgeld of oaklahoma state uni, doing research on autobiographies and blogs of living disabled people.I told her that this site for me is a simple communication tool. I love getting interesting emails from around the world. This is certainly not an autobiographical attempt. I don't feel the need to exspose myself, warts and all for free. So, what is here, is that which I don't mind other people reading.

Saturday 6/6/09: Back to dreary weather !$$

I think we were totally spoiled this week by the fabulous t-shirt weather. I have spent an awful lot of money and time in the last 10 days visiting various garden centres and buying lots of flowers and bulbs. Especially on a good day its great to see a garden full of colour. There is something special about spending only €10 and getting a living breathing thing that is very appealing. I think though, that I was the only person in Woddies today buying more flowers. Hopefully the good weather is going to return soon.

This is one of the reason I love the Spanish lifestyle so much. They seem to be so over-used to the sun, and in a lot of cases don't even appreciate it, because they turn their houses into caves blocking out all the natural light. For me, its great to be in Spain, even on a practical level, tee-shirt, shorts and shoes and your dressed for the day. Whereas in this climate you have to spend ages in the morning layering. I came back from Dublin early, as there really is only so much window shopping you can do . I can totally understand how some people get themselves into terrible credit card debt. On a day like today, there is nothing else to do, only to window shop and spend money on things that you don't really need.

I was going to buy a Kodak camera, which I thought was great value for €99, but on closer inspection today, it does'nt have image stabilization , which would be an essential component for me. I love my gadgets!

I am a big fan of Susan Boyle. I watched her audition on YouTube countless times. I know that the papers said that she was pouting because she was only a runner-up, but honestly she's going to make millions and has far out grown a small talent competition. The ugly photos the papers printed were nothing but her normal expression, so I would'nt read too much into them. Think I am going to France in September. I found a great company through the internet, which supplies everything disability related but without charging an exorbitant price. The great difficulty for me at the moment is finding somewhere to go for a break that does'nt cost the earth. When you need help the associated costs tend to escalate, and I end up not being able to justify spending so much money for a few days break. I dont really want to go with a family member, as to be honest we all need a break from each other. I know a lot of people in my situation have a mononous, tedious existence, which I am in no hurry to embrace. I often think to myself how crazy life is , that years ago i was physically more independent and stronger, but I just did'nt have the money to travel, now I have the money but I am much more physically beat