Inner Power

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson :A Return to Love

We vastly underestimate ourselves. We give control over our own destinies, all too readily to our church, partners, politicians etc. Why do we do this? Why do we enjoy walking in other people's shadow, or allowing an institution to use us like a remote controlled toy? I know it is quite hard to consider yourself powerful,when at times you feel like an insignificant extra on the stage of life, but I truly believe we are now just beginning to tap into and unveil just how really strong and resourceful we are or at least can be. I was asked by my brother to get him a book on amazon.com, and I took the liberty of also getting a book for myself whose title really caught my eye. Its called "The Power is within You" by Louise L Hay and I am rereading it (with a highlighter) at the moment. Even this is amazing as I am not a book person. There is nothing more daunting than a thick book, but this draws you in from the start and just articulated in many ways what I have felt to be true for a long time. I don't agree with everything she says or some of the terminology she uses but she is definitely on to something!

I think she is really onto something when she talks about the power of our spoken word, and how what we say inevitably comes back to us in the form of experiences. It is much easier to pass a snide remark rather than give a word of praise or a pesimistic as opposed to optimistic one. Its interesting too when she talks about the power of the subconscious and the futility of blame. We can all play the blame game, cursing our rough emotionally barren childhoods etc for our current predicaments. As she says, and its so true, that blame is in fact giving our inner power away. Bar there is some psychiatric reason, we all have the power and in this day and age, the techniques to overcome any life problem that may present itself.

A lot of times, I certainly dont feel powerful or even in control of my life. In fact I feel power is being forcefully stripped from me all the time, leaving a very vulnerable shell that is sometimes very aware of living an unlived life. But then life almost certainly never turns out the way you envisaged it would. You have to roll with the punches and make lemonade if all you have are lemons. I know this, but it is a hard philosophy to implement. Whenever I feel down, you can be almost guaranteed that I am also feeling powerless. They seem to go hand in hand. I should at least have power and control over my own body, but increasingly I do not. I went to a shopping centre last saturday, and it took me half an hour to get into the chair from the car. The legs just did not want to go, and even then, I was only able to go, shoes on etc (remind me never to wear slip on shoes again) with the combined help of three people.

I think I have a lot of work to do in terms of feeling powerful,but maybe I should be more trusting of life and the positive opportunities which may be in store. Its hard to be an optimist, and very easy to be cynical in this world sometimes, but there's no point in blaming other people, or past actions, for the present circumstances. Blame, as Louise L Hays says is a form of giving our power away.We tend to blame our childhoods, fate, god, other people for the way we are, and how we think about ourselves, when really we have the ultimate power over ourselves and our interactions. Unless we have uncontrollable tourette syndrome, it us completely up to us, whether we give in to anger or reason or whether what comes out of our mouths is an encouraging word, or a biting criticism. As mother teresa said "yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not yet come,we have only today, let us begin".

Tuesday 25/7/06

Am reading a book at the mo, that I got through amazon, called "Ask and it is given: learning to manifest your desires" by Esther and Jerry Hicks, which is resonating with me on many levels, and articulating many things which I have long believed, but have never been able to explain to anyone else. You could say books like these are just airy fairy rantings of new age wacko's, but I think books like these will be the bibles of tomorrow. I think the aim of these books is to provide people with coping tools. I can't say I wholeheartedly endorse (or even compehend) all that I read, but a number of the points are really hitting home. I love the way it talks about us being the co creators of our own delicious existence. The ball really is in our own court, and we are the products of every single decision and choice which we ourselves have freely made. Life should not be viewed as an adversary, instead the universe, and its force, of which we are a part, is here to answer our every desire, and lead us to the abundant happiness, which we all deserve by virtue of our birthright. Life does'nt have to be one endless struggle after another, but rather a journey of self discovery and connection with the divine in us. We are all a part of this universal force, and the hard part is in unveiling and collaborating with it. I often think, that we poor humans, are so much more powerful than we know, or give ourselves credit for. With all the ups and downs of life, most of us can adapt and just keep going, hopefully even getting wiser along the way. I really believe in the divine in all of us, we have to give up the crazy notion that after tens of millions of years of earth force and history, that god just showed up 2000 years ago.

Sunday 6/8/06

Am reading "The voice of knowledge" by Don Miguel Ruiz, and as he says "the greatest lie in the story of humanity is the lie of our imperfection ". Well I don't think many people nowadays give much credence to the idea of original sin, as Miranda in sex & the city says " its pretty clear that babies come into the world with a clean slate and its WE that fuck them up". One of the things that I really like in his book is when he says that we are the deliberate co creators of our world, and that not to take what others think of us personally, as ultimately they only know the you that is a character in their own story. Other people only know the you that you reveal to them. My mother probably thinks she knows me totally, but honestly its around 45% at the very most, you are multifaceted (sometimes almost to the point of being schizophrenic) and reveal different sides to different people.

We all need to be very careful about what comes out of our mouth's. Ruiz would describe an angry outburst as the spreading of emotional poison, and as a reflection of our own inner dialogue. If we are full of negativity and criticsm for others, then surely that gives an indication of what we are like to ourselves. Life is short (even though I often feel it can be overbearingly long and drawn out at times, another day another nightmare has been my mantra for quite some time now) and you never know what shock or surprise life has in store for you, so you to be aware that the person that you criticise, berate or put down now may be in a coffin the next time you meet them

I am reading about the power of meditation, and the need to quieten yourself, thereby taking yourself out of the driving seat of consciousness, in order to get in touch with source energy ( have a problem with "god", I think its a vague overused word). I think we all deserve to be happy, and prosperous. Its our birthright, and not something which we can only grasp in fleeting snatches. I have a LONG way to go, but realize more and more that before I get to the big things, I first have to be fully appreciative of the many small, and often overlooked smaller things which may act as stepping stones.

Is'nt it an interesting thought that we chose to come to this life, to learn some specific lessons. That every single situation and scenario we find ourselves in, has the possibility to teach us something new about ourselves, or at the very least,to cause us to find, hitherto dormant, tools and strengths within. It sounds ok in some scenarios, but then, that same theory is probably a bit hostile and arrogant, when you think of all the starving millions, or those poor innocents trying to live their lives in the middle of war zones. Sometimes I find these books uplifting and enlightening, other times I see them as the fantastical ravings of people whose lofty worries and concerns are far beyond the failing (and often very unglamarous) minutia of a decaying physical body, a world in which putting on a pair of socks can break a sweat!

Am reading "Yesterday I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant. I love her writing style, the ability to convey very thought provoking issues in a loose, clear and significant way, is surely better than stuffy, archaic, and at times confusing/condescending writings of many authors. It made me laugh when she was saying that a big enlightening moment for her came as she sat in her jacuzzi, watching her thousand dollar dog take a crap on the carpet ! Then she goes into a lengthy reflection on crap, its utter inevitability, and the need for people to deal with it as it happens, and not to let it just pile up unattended too, and start to smell. Good analogy. Maybe a little gross, but cut to the chase true. She is a powerful speaker, and uses words in such an effeortlessly effective way, that you have no choice but to think about them, long after you have put the book down.

I think its very profound when she talks about how going through the bad and rough times, seem to prepare us for better times. I really need to make a greater effort, to implement the lessons and tools, contained in books like these. I still go off the handle too easily, and vent my frustrations on safe, nearby and innocent targets. She says she has learned to give up the fight and accept a quieter more peaceful life. I think I am a lot like that, fighting for everything, and indeed even picking fights, when things seemed uneasily peaceful and uneventful. I am glad for that fighting spirit, but must learn how to better harness, manouver and direct that energy. For example, it does'nt take much for someone to set me off, it could be being late, forgetting something (my memory is crap) or someone not being able to decipher me. Now when I feel that blood surge and race, I try to channel that energy positively, by saying a quick affirmation. I think it does work, and it does seem to dissipate the energy.