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Notes from the home; (All the opinions expressed on this page and indeed throughout the entire website are the author's own and maynot be copied or reproduced without his expressed approval).
Thursday 2/2/12: Isn't it appaling how stupidly time is distributed? Some are chasing it, run out of it or lost in it. Read a beautiful thing yesterday "Humanists believe in the love of beauty, and the beauty of love".I believe in that so much! If your body works, squeeze as much fun out of it as possible, and don't allow other peoples hangups to weigh you down! Think of the word "immoral" and you get the idea. Why are religions so obsessed with all things sexual: I suppose if you can control that (or appear to) you reallly have humans as putty in your hands. Another great quote I've read from the tibetan poet-saint Milarepa who says "My religion is to live and die without regret". I am reading the "Tibetan book of Living & Dying" ahead of my visit to their Buddhist retreat centre in cork. I am looking forward to having some good chats with them. Are they in the death business, and should they not be focused on life before death, rather than after it? I just cannot agree with what the book says thay the majority of people live in either denial or terror of death. it just seems that they are starting from a very low premise.There are (and always have been) many more good than bad people, and the idea of people repressing themselves in this life, in order to curry favour with a supernatural entity after they snuff it is just beyond crazy to me. Is death really so frightening if your life is filled with abuse, squalor and decay, where even holding a cup up to your gob is a major achievement? Humans are amazing ( for the most part). That seems to be ignored or forgotten in these philosophies. We don't deserve to come back as a rat or burn forever! Athlean X is a great program, that I dip in and out of on Youtube. The exercises are very creative, and keep yourr body guessing as opposed to doing the same thing yet wondering why your body isn't changing. I am getting sufficient strength back into my legs to be able to stretch out at night, and am thrilled with that. Whereas some morons would thank a god, I thank yooutube, the gym in naas and myself Satorday 28/1/12: The Devil Inside is a disappointing rehash of a topic that belongs to a different age nn. I expected more based on the poster. The daughter of an American supposedly possessed woman foollows her mother to rome, and discovers the world of unauthorised exorcisms, for which Italy really is rampant in the real world. The film is a ploy to marry fact with fiction.There was a time when a film of this kind would have been terrifying, but with the sheer number of films with hand held confessional camera's, and simulated as-it-really-happened sequences.This letdown complete with timeline and disclaimer at the beginning stating that the Vatican in no way helped with the creation of this film, all conspire to lend this film an air of authentic fear which it simply cannot sustain. This film is a kind of medieval scare tactic which used to drive people into the arms of holy mother church, but the sights of "possessed women (why is it never men) screaming and rivalling gymnasts with the way they can contort their bodies. Who would waste their money on this nonsense. The best part was when the priest (blubbing with a gun in his mouth while reciting the our father) kiled himself.Well, maybe the better part was the ending Fell out of the bed last night, and have the gym to thank for not sustaining more injury than just carpet burn to my face. My core is becoming so much stronger. Have to get serious about my diet, and trying to fool myself into believing that dates are just as good as chocolates and jellies. Even the ability to stretch out at night is coming back, which is brilliant not to be trapped in the foetal position all night. Mother says she'll come in one morning to see me walking, but I doubt that. I almost forget what it was like to walk........... Monday 23/1/12: Good to see new life pushing its way up through the ground. The cycle of life continues, and the earth stubbornly refuses to self destruct, which is a shame for al those doom and gloom merchants behind 2012. Just skimmed through a book called "Protein Power". It is written by two U.S doctors, and makes so much sense to me now. Insulin really is the culprit, both a master and a monster hormone. I think one day they will find a very strong link between insulin resistance and Friedreich's. All my weight goes to my belly, and I need to be so much stricter with my diet. I come out of the gym and think I've earned those sweets and chocolate. Its rediculous self sabotage I know, but I keep dooing it while hating the huge belly that never seems to move. Watching Colm Murray and his battle with MND. I have known very few people with motor neurone, but its a vicious bitch. The cruel side of me says "well, at least you had a life". He got it toward the end of his life, and he is well off enugh at this stage to be able to afford all the assistancee he will need.Its a well made programme, and I like his attitude. Its horrible having your independance slowly stripped aside, to reveal a second infancy. Hopefully he won't go out like a complete dog, but knowing the laws of this country he probably will. Glad to see Mitt Romney suffered a setback in South Carolina. Here is an article I did about him: In just under two centuries, the mormon religion has gone from obscure peripheral cult to breeder of the next possible leader of the free world. Is he unstoppable for heavens sake?
The history of Mormonism may read like a fantastical novel complete Until 1978 (when Romney was 25),he had grown up with the belief that black people as descendants of Cain were cursed. Over 150 years of overt racism and vile doctrine were overturned in a sudden revelation to the then President of the LDS, Spencer W Kimball, who claimed that the curse was now removed. Now all worthy black men could now receive the priesthood, which meant among other things that they could now even set foot in one of their temples. A relevant question to ask of him is how the racist indoctrination he received for the first quarter century of his life, has not turned him into a very narrow minded individual (although he has since back pedalled on his support for gay and pro choice rights) One of his church prophets Brigham Young (who lends his name to Romney's alma mater) decreed that men who have children with negro women should be put to “death on the spot”. This may explain why he stated in a CNN debate as far back as 2007. that one of the reasons explaining a rise in crime committed by African Americans was that 68% of their children were born out of wedlock. Of course he has stated “that no authorities of my church, or of any other church for that matter, will ever exert influence on presidential decisions”. This remains to be seen. Does the apple ever fall far from the tree? He quotes Robert Kennedys retort that he would not be a catholic president, but a president who just happens to be Catholic” conveniently forgets however that lapsed Catholics far outnumber their Vatican abiding counterparts. Continuously courting the Evangelicals and citing the presidential campaign as a “battle for the soul of America” is a suspicious rallying call, as ultimately Mormons are certainly a peculiar brand of Christian. For them Father, Son and Holy Ghost mean a God man from another planet who with the help of his goddess wife is the literal father of Jesus. The Holy Ghost is a separate spirit being god. This huge gulf cannot be glossed over or artfully exploited. Well maybe it can! Two states already have succumbed to its allure. This is to say nothing about his church's view that homosexuality can be cured, the need to populate this earth by giving bodies to spirit babies and a view on the role of women which has changed little since the 1800's. Indeed the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints may want to keep a welcome distance from his presidential race, lest their mind boggling beliefs and historically suspect fables be exposed to all.
The problem is that he has never publicly rejected some of the more outlandish pronouncements of this all embracing faith. In accordance it, he does not consume any alcohol or caffeine. He has declined to answer whether he wears “temple garments”, church sanctioned underwear, which ward off evil spirits.
At the moment, he is riding the wave of popularity and widespread discontent with the administration of Barack Obama. Maybe none of this matters. In a recessionary time and pluralistic society, such things may pale before the almighty dollar and personal prosperity unfortunately.
Wednesday 18/1/12: Right, finally got everything sorted out with the laptop, dreamweaver and ftp, so my fingers have no excuse. Wil be able to copy all the stuff, I wrote over xmas. Well maybe not after all. Copy.paste doesnt seem to work between a word doc and dreamweaver, so gotta think some more. Went to see the comedian Oliver Callen at the Olympia theatre last thursday. It was my first time there, and to be honest I won't be rushing back. Its a fairly grotty place, where the wheelchair spaces are at the very back, and off to the right. They had told me I could go to a better row, but only if I coud transfer. I decided not to take that risk. The staff were lovely, but told me that they are restricted in what they can do for wheelchair users by building réstrictions (it must be a listed building). My cousin was with me, and wondered out loud how his radio skit show would translate to the stage. Well, it didn't (kinda). For a show that started slightly after eight , the first section was timed at thirty five minutes followed by an interval and roughly the same time for the second part. The man has undeniabe talent for sure, but the heckles which he drew at the end were no doubt driven from further afied than kildare. The "set" was non existant (four background lights, an office chair, pair of stick on devil horns and one costume change to be exact). He came out for one encore, with a skit of Jedward and Luois Walsh, but that was it, and no stomping feet or shouts of "ripoff" could tempt him back. The show was far from the last descriptive. There are some funny moments, just don't travel too far! Monday 9/1/12: ********* is back open and I will be in there for a Sunday 8/1/12: The first week of the new year is over. Got a great jacket in the tail end of the sales yesterday. Still so cold out, and endured another night of tossing and turning, which is so much fun with a locked pelvis. "The Iron Lady" and "The giri with the dragon tattoo" are two must see films. Must try and become more disciplined this year, set strict time aside to write above all. I am a huge fan of the written, and everyone's life is worthy of being remembered somehow. While I feel that my life has been soo dull and uninteresting in comparison to others, I feel I should type something out for as long as I can. Now that my writing has come back, I should use that too. My arms are still strong, but bulky as opposed to flexible, so I've got to work on that. Its scary to see the americans possibly voting a mormon as president. People should look into his cult more closely and come to their senses, and throw him out by his magical underwear. But now the mormons are fantastcally wealthy, and can buy their way into so many fields. They have gone from peripheral cult to respectability in over a hundred years. PThursday 5/1/12: Thankfully all this nonsense is over for another year. My laptop has been away for repair, and yet managed to come back in an even worse state, so that's the reason for the big gap. Juat saw on sky news, another segment on assisted suicide. If these religious morons only knew that the hell that they are so obsessed about, is very much in the here and now. I wrote a long piece about these so called nursing "homes", (but dreamweaver doesn't allow cut & paste) and they are every bit as horror filled as you can imagine,. Body prisoners staring into space, the works. Oh, to be a cat or dog! (seed New Years Day entry below.) New Year again! Sunday 1/1/12: I can’t sleep, legs twisted and hanging out of the bed onto the cold bar. I bought a new pillow, in vain hope of a good nights sleep. Mother says that Joe used to do exactly the same, so maybe FA will always impede a good sleep. I pull myself up by the bar and clumsily push my self sideways and down under the sheets. Its fairly tricky as I am pivoting near the side of the bed, and if I fall out in the pitch black, I am in deep shit. I wake up, haunted my memories of my wasted life, and resign myself to having catnaps in the van. I press 2 on the mobile, and the speed dial alerts asurprisingly alert mother. It is only 6.30am after all. Mother again sings the praises of “nursing“homes”. “You’d be so much better off there, with round the clock care” she foolishly says. Is this a general belief, or a last straw being clutched and mis-sold for more than what it is. The last time I was in one of these places I was a piss drenched starving diabetic. When the staff member finally sauntered “in a worse state”.Worse? How can you trump that? I think of ******, a 45 year old with MS, with an annoyingly sound mind in one of these crazily appointed "homes”, trapped in a box room, with sporadic visits from paid staff. People forget there are hierarchies at work here too, less heart and more bureaucracy. A transfer could take ages, and although I’ve never personally come across physical abuse, the sight of former professionals trapped in bodies with tightened muscles and quivering bodies, is visually abusive enough. Was nearly driven to distraction by my laptop which seems worse than when it went in, all that time ago. Am bringing it back to Naas, after wasting so much of the weekend trying to diagnose and sort out the problems myself, and using up all my phone credit holding on for their support line. Thursday 15/12/11: Can't shake off this bloody head cold. At least I've got module eleven of the course done, so it wasn't a totally unproductive day.Its so depressing to spend so long typing, trying to be precise, but there are always spelling mistakes. No wonder they think I'm mental! Saw "The ides of March" and am amazed thats its getting good reviews. Such a heap of rubbish, the storyline is too american. Only go and see it, if you want to see Ryan Gosling and George Clooney. Think I'll give the gym a miss today. The arms are still strong, and able to get me out of bed in the morning. Its not the most graceful of movements, but it works Saw Mitt Romney yesterday on tv, and how Americans can even think of electing someone who believes in magic underwear is just scary. Then again, you could say well catholics believe in magic wafers.......... So the us are pulling out of Iraq. Unfotunately there is not going to be a peaceful resolution, as long as the blind fanatical worship of the sixth century paedophile continues. ASSIGNMENT ELEVEN
Next scene is a collision scene with an elderly person on the road with blood splattered glasses and walkiing stick, in front of a crashed car on the kerb against a Bus Eireann pole, with the guy slumped over the steering wheell.( A cheaper alternative maybe just to play some library footage of crash scenes).
Tuesday 13/12/11: The dreaded snow is back, although thankfully the big flakes have stopped falling. I can gladly put up with the cold, but I couldn't go through another winter like last year. There were lots of horror stories with pa's just not able to get out, so the people just had to make do. Had the most horrible night because of diabetes and eating ytoo much of the wrong thing. Mea culpa! Need to get to the gym and make some right choices. A banana really helps after the workout. Sunday 11/12/11: For the first time ever, my chin came up over the bar as I did my pull up. Notice my handwriting is better, and hopefuly the new strength in the arms will translate into easier transfers and less dependance. Passed the place on Dominick Street, where the young polish man froze to death during the week. What a horrible way to go, when others were probably stepping over his dying body to get to the shops. Not a fan of beggars myself. Some of the Roumanian ones are so pushy. I saw a young girl tag alongside a young woman, who quite rightly just stared ahead, trying to act oblivious to her repeated request's for money. That's harrassment in my books. Went to see "Hugo" in 3D at cineworld on parnell street. What a magical film! Life's Roadkill: I saw a woman, full figured, eyes downcast, playing cards with herself, her air of concentration was mesmerising, sat in front of a window with sparse festive lights, at her feet lies a young girl woman, colourful balls briefly hold her interest, deaf people parked in front of the t.v, anything could be on, any time of the day, seasons, days and months will come and go, cards yield to crosswords which give way to papers, bodies stagnated by repeated inactivity, she rises and plods slowly to the kitchen table, poor meal, conversation and routine, Life punctuated and sustained by choiceless habit, and learned normality, the actual reality is far worse than perceived notions, I know, have witnessed it firsthand. Days supposed highlight, a thankfully dying nonsense, Deforrm yourself further for stories and wafers, for you have not, are not enough. Their arrogance is blinding, Stern faced, card holding, money making cunts. Thursday 8/12/11: I saw on sky news about the nenglish woman with teminal cancer, who decided not to go out like a totaldog, and instead go to Switzerland. It angers me that she had to go to a foreign country and culture, and end her existence in an alien atmosphere. She was not a depressive, she had her faculties to affirm that life is for the liviing. I know from personal experience that what people call "living", and having people exist on in their own waste, with complete dependancy on others is such a twisted joke. Even though I don't want to be seen as a one track pony, I have to keep harping on about this issue. Is this only going to be an option for those wealthy and able enough to get to Switzerland? My mother's hip has given a lot of grief lately, and go from one "home" to another. Ms McClelland only had a little taste of it, but she was so right. I find it interesting that she called quits after a short time, whereas the rest of us have to go through these indignities every single fudking day! The crazy thing is that if she had have thrown herself in fr0nt of a bus, there would have been no furure. Good for you! Now what about the rest of us "living" dead, who can't get our asses over there. Help us!!!!!!!!!!! Wednesday 7/12/11: It is hard toi keep motivated and disciplined enough to write. Am reading "The Treehouse" by Naomi Wolf, and she goes on about the discipline needed to write, and the fact that continued effort is ultimately worth more than inspiration. I don't have delusions of winning a pulitzer, but there are a lot of things that I would like to write (they will not all end up here), and at least I am keeping the fingers working, They have attempted to curl up, but I will not allow them to go the same way as my feet, and deliberately pull them back. Tuesday 6/12/11: Humanist Xmas Handed down stories of celestial delights, the creator of the universe would take human form and appear this night, The storyline was dramatic, a daring escape, three kings, bearing gifts too, hushed reverential voices, wafting stench of donkey poo, Only now is this story being seen for what it is. an end of year occasionl for party cheer, Some men lick the altar railings then rush home to beat and rape and drink more beer. Humans are amazing, of that I have no doubt, Confronting abuse of all kinds, disability, poverty, drought. Wake up mankind, and recognize the god within, not man made fantasies, with a money grabbing spin. Good vibes to all the hero's here on earth, As for Mary, perhaps it wasn't a donkey she was riding, 'cause virgin's can't give birth.
My arms are definately helping with my transfers. It is the pits when the few inches from your bed to the chair or loo seem like a gargantuan feat. It has to be one of the worsy feelings ever to have vestiges of independance1 stripped, but I feel that with the gym in Naas that I am slowly beginning to fight back. I can do nothing about the past but I am a little angry that these so called "healthcare professionals" had not alerted me to the fact that, there were things I could do. Still got my big fat belly though, and I noticed today, that I am more hunched over than ever. Saw on Sky news, a controversy over a family planning clinic giving away over 200,000 morning after pills. Shock, horror but people have sex, and unfortunately unplanned pregnancies are a consequence of all those randy hetero couples. What annoys me most is that the anti choice ( as opposed to pro life) lobby, have no time for single mothers either. You can't win! Tuesday 30/11/11:
Monday 28/11/11: Was looking at some threads about Gary Speed, and they suggest that he killed himself because he was gay and about to be outed by a tabloid. I have to say it was my first suspicion. My own gaydar spotted him fairly quickly. Terrible for such a good looking guy with a healthy working body to give in to the homophobic sexually repressed bigots, that unfortunately are rife in football. But he was married with kids, how could he be gay? Well, he won't be the first gay guy trying to conform to social norms, and as for kids; how hard is it to cum? I really hope we become a more tolerant society! Hanging yourself has to be one of the worst ways to go, and a horrible indication of the state of mind he was in. A lot of platitudes go around at times like these, but its fair to say that those at the tabloid and those anti gay (repressed gay?) football "fans", have blood on their hands. Friday 25/11/11: Am furious to see on sky news some jesus freaks, claiming that they can cure HIV. I have been to enough of them to know that they are rubbish. I know that if you are desparate enough, you will try anything and listen to hate filled drivel. It confirms to me just how mentally ill these crazies are, and how they should always be combated. Just a month to go until the end of year festival. Thankfully its not snowing. I can put up with the wind and cold! Wednesday 23/11/11: Can somebody please explain to me why the state coffers have to be replenished from the bottom up yet again, while those at the top seem to feel no pinch in their bloated waistbands. The amount of money in the Irish economy has not just evaporated, even the countries which are in serious debt are relying on others who have money to bail them out. I feel that a smokescreen has been well put up to condition us into thinking that we are all in the same boat, when nothing could be further from the truth. Indeed surely its hard to hear the mock sympathy of overpaid radio presenters, or a certain priest campaigning for "social justice"while ignoring the fact that he is a paid up member of one of the wealthiest institutions in this country. How can we justify such an ever widening gap between those who have more than enough, and those carers who are even having the urinary pads they are allocated by the HSE rationed? We ALL have to help dig out the country from the financial tsunami brought on by out bankers and builders. I don't for a second believe the mantra that "you pay peanuts and you get monkeys". Maybe the truer conclusion is to know that we have a lot of overpaid monkeys in our midst! Was just reading about the Irish presidential salary, and have to say it tarnished my opinion of Mary McAleese. Sbe was well liked, didn't just sit around, but she was awfully well paid. The new president has said he will accept any recommended pay cut. This remains to be seen. Monday 21/11/: These damn short days must be behind my chocolate relapse. Its a terrible circle to be in. My life would be so much easier without the big belly. The effort it takes to burn just 50 calories is truly depressing, given that one digestive biscuit alone has 75. And I never have been able to do anything in moderation! Saw Brendan O'Connor yesterday, and part of his interview with a young english guy who claims he became gay after a stroke. While sexuality is certainly determained by genes as opposed to choice ( why would someone choose to be part of an often hated social minority) I just felt the interview pandered to stereotypes. Watching "Arrivals" about all the Irish going abroad. Why would you stay here and be unemployed. If things were totally different, I'd be gone in a shot. Where has all the money gone? It hasn't evaporated. And now they are talking about cutting social welfare again. What annoys people is that they are trying to rebuild the state coffers from th bottom up, while the bankers and builders who decimated the economy seem to have got away scot free. Wednesday 16/11/11: Just had a meeting about employment options with two reps who came to the house. I just happened to mention that I had seen an ad on telly. proporting how disability friendly a certain English supermarket chain. I was told that after spending 100.0000 euro ( of Fas money) on a recruitment campaign they finally took on 3. I'm not sure if any are still there. I think it was all just an advertising ploy for their new store, as on the opening night with all the local celebrities and press, the people with disabilities were sent home early. In their favour, this is a dog eat dog market,where productivity and efficiency outweigh any egalitarian goals. Its the pr scam bit that annoys me. "Aren't we great with our disabled employee's". That money could have been much better spent. Had a little row with the gym. They parked a big elliptical behind one of the machines I use, and the benefits that my strong arms have brought have been too much for me not to say something. It has been over ten days I am still waiting for them to move it, but I have faith in them. I am trying to do dips at home. I think they will really help my transfers. The dips so work. You can do them from yourr chair or with push up grips. Was able to get out of bed fairly easily this morning. If it will help bring back some independance, I'll make it a priority to do. Take a look at these guys. If I had a fraction of their strength and flexility I'd be flying!
Saw a piece on sky news today which annoyed me. The russian government ( supported by the orthodox church of course) is trying to clamp down on the abortion rates. The abortion rate is now twice as high as the birth rate. It doesn't help that there is no sex education in schools, and abortion is almost used as an after the event contraception. What annoys me is that the government makes it very hard financially for single mothers, and the church promotes stigma about these "loose women". It doesn't seem like much of a life to be born into, and surely its better to have a legal abortion rather than a back street one. I see everyday what passes for "living", the degradation, dependency and isolation which so many endure. The next time I see one of these "pro life" morons, I'm going to have to ask them just what kind of "life" they are really pro? Wednesday 9/11/11: Feel like shit, but nothing is going to keep me away from tomorrow's concert. Its just a throaty cough at the moment. I am meant to have someone calling out to see me this morning to talk about employment prospects. The weather is dismal and maybe I need to wrap up more. Its just too time consuming to be puttimg on and taking off jackets. That's just another good thing about being part of life's roadkill. I read online that if you feel ill, you should stop doing gym workouts immediately as your body needs all its resources to fight the infection, which exercising diverts. So that can be my excuse! With the lovely autumnal colours, I am so glad I can see it all perfectly without my granny glasses, and all the associated hassle of dropping specs, running over them in the wheelchair and trying to see through foggy, dirty chipped lens. Definately the best thing I did this year!
Tuesday 8/11/11: Started doing the above exercises. My feet have become so deformed that I really don't know if I can straighten them even a little, but its worth the effort. Finally my enormous belly is coming down. Have started doing pull ups on the smyth machine at the gym. Was listening to the radio today, and it said that there has been a decrease in support for people with intellectual disabilities getting married and having kids among other things. Well it depends on the level, but how could two intellectually disabled people bring up kids. The kids would not have a fair start in life. The other side of the coin is to consider the amount of morons who claim to be "normal". The world is dangerously over populated anyway. Thankfully I'm gay, never came near to a relationship and it ain't gonna happen now. I have no intellectual disability ( even though with slurred speech, I might give that impression sometimes). There was also a debate about the number of special needs students in classes. While I am a huge advocate of mainstream education, I wonder what impact it has on the other's education, if they have disruptive classmates (through no fault of their own) to contend with. If it just comes down to a fear of tax money being squandered on supporting these people, well I am sure most people are aware that that they are only a few wonky chromosomes or a car journey away from facing the same difficulties. Went to Joel's after the gym for a great lunch, and then on to try and get something to wear for the John Barrowman concert in the grand canal on thursday. Wednesday 2/11/11 This visually stunning show was 2 1/2 hours of the kind of vocals that only George Michael can produce. When the plush curtains revealed the impressive set, full orchestra and the great new song "Where I hope you are", I think we all new that we were in for something special. The first half though (this is my only criticism) felt a little cabaret. Not even his powerful voice could inject vigour into "Brother, can you spare a dime" . Okay, I know a song like "outside" or "I want your sex" would have been a tad out of sync with the sweeping violins and harp, but die hard fans had to wait until the end for a medley of such hits. With great covers of Terence Trent D'Arby' "Let her down easy", Rihanna' "Russian Revolution" and a touching tribute to Amy Winehouse by singing "Love is a losing game", fans got what they came for in the second half (after a 20 minute interval) with songs like "Anazing" and Freedom" A very classy performance in the second half (after a 20 minute interval) with songs like "Anazing" and Freedom" A very classy performance, with good crowd interaction during which he spoke about his now ex lover, Texan art dealer Kenny Goss. This is Georges first concert tour since his imprisonment last year in LA for crashing his car while under the influence of drugs. At 48 and looking slightly weather beaten, he still has the ability to leave his fans wanting more. Stamped feet and noisy ovations, brought him back twice and yet a third time if he had have given in to them. I was quite surprised at the ages of the people. A lot of them looked 45+ but then I suppose we are all getting older, and the good thing about that for me was that they sat down for most of it. Nearly finished "Childhood Interrupted" by Kathleen O Malley. and thats my quota of misery done. It seems like such a distant era, but absolute power corrupts absolutely in every case! Monday 31/10/11: Well my views were not shared by the rest of the voters of Ireland. I know he has al the credentials but he is just so old. But then look at the queen and prince philip, and you have to agree that its not the amount of years in the life that count but rather the life in the years! Well true as that is, lets hope we're not back at the polling stations in another two years time. Let's hope for the best as regards dementia! We have had our little band of kids doing their halloween rounds, and my mother reminded me of the night when I staggered over the house owner's cute labrador, while trying to make my way back to the car. Even back then my spatial awareness and balance, went to pot in the darkness. My camera is acting up at the very worst time. Will have to bring it into PC World tomorrow, to see ifd they can chech the settings. I need it to work for George Michael tomorrow at the O2. Enjoyed the film "Anonymous". Its got bad reviews, but I thought the sets were great, and the story while interesting, was at times hard to follow.
Tuesday 24/10/11: After watching the frontline presidential debate, I am confused. Well Gay Mitchell is definately out. He is just too temperamental. Whoever coaches him on presentation skils should be shot. Off to the gym later.. Close grip bicep curls are the key. My arms have never been so big. Check out www.fightingfa.com. Saturday 22/0/11: Just back from Dublin. I went to a lecture on sexuality and spirituality in the churches. It was given by the reverend Ian Corbett church of Ireland archbishop of Tuam, who was more or less exiled after he came out as a gay man. I had been sent an e-mail from the Equality studies group, nd given thne weather I thought it would be interesting. I did ask the bishop ahter his speech, if he thought (as I do ) that all religions are inherently bad. He was talking about the Navaho Indians and certain tribes in South Africa where sexuality is very fluid. It is religions that impose a rigid set of giuidelines for sexuality. As if someone would choose to be a transexual or part of an often hated minority. I was secretly happy that there were very few young people there. They seem to have voted with their feet and do not want to be any part of any institution that would denigrate them . Yesterday I went to see Paranormal Activity 3 (its the best one yet), really as a way of getting away frokm the almost constant coverage of Gadaffi's murder. It was horrible, almost like seeing a pack of dogs catch up with the hare. I know he was a monster, but those people are animals as well. "God is great" indeed. What morons! I don't think the future of Libya is safe in their hands. Doing great at the gym. Close grip bicep curls are paying off. I have more or less given up chocolate. Its just not worth it. I can't burn those calories off, so I just cannot afford to let them in to start with! Its a good job that muscles have memory. Looking forward to the George Michael concert at the O2. Weather is atrocious. The second anniverary of my unemployability was last week. Here's an article I wrote for my journalism course: With an upcoming Presidential election, which custodian of the constitution and global ambassador will the country choose for the next seven years? After the still current blasphemy law, in which direction will Ireland now head?
She still maintains the air of someone who would have definate problems signing a pro choice bill into law. The office of the President has no direct political power, but can certainly impede a bill by referring it bacl to the "Dail" for clarification.
Will we blindly go down the road that leads to a place of sharia law as well? Like many other countries, Ireland has witnessed a surge in the amount of Islamic and fundamentaliist Christian churches. The present lead contender is the entrepreneur Sean Gallagher, and it remains to be seen whether this soft spoken former judge on Irelland's "Dragon's Den" will be an active participant in helping to recharge the batteries of this changed country for the next seven years.
Friday 14/10/11: Saw "The Home" ( a documentary about a nursing home in Dublin) on RTE yesterday and it surely makes a huge argument for euthanasia, and the fact that there is such a huge difference. Thankfully, I have managed to keep one step ahead of these places allof my life, but the picture painted was very real and depressingly common. My own experience is that there are quite a lot of young people in these homes, who are encouraged to shuffle along to old time music, or have their ears assaulted by the ringing bells announcing the arrival of god in a wafer. Inane chats, long sessions of solitary confinement, and a paid workforce, which at the end of the day all this is just a paid job. It was heartbreaking to watch, and even sadder to realise that this was a place on its most prepared and camera ready day. There is a gigantic difference between living and existing! Thursday 13/10/11: Primetime presiiiidential debate ( think I'm now behind pro choice Gay Mitchell)
With an upcoming Presidential election, which custodian of the constitution and global ambassador will the country choose for the next seven years? After the still current blasphemy law, in which direction will we now head? The new President will be the figure head of a radically different Ireland, more likely to look at multi ethnic or same sex couples strolling through the phoenix park, rather tham “comely maidens dancing at the crossroads”. Will he/she be able to pay, at least lip service to religious ceremonies throughout their term? Ordinarily someone with invisible friends who dictate what they can/cannot do or say would be subjected to a time in a psychiatrric hospital or even a lifetime on strong psycho-activevd drugs In this country, covered by the long invincible shroud of religion, they can expect a fine of upto €25,000, possibly handed down by a card carrying, self flagellating member of opus dei. Decllning to be pigeon holed as a fundamentalist, Dana still maintains the air of someone who would have definate problems signing a pro choice or euthanasia bill into law.
58% of the new churches in Ireland are of the evangelical tongues speaking variety, not to mention the quiet exponential growthy of islam. As the only non catholic and out gay man with a laudable human rights track record. It is hard to even imagine him, or the socialist, former IRA man or the other to varying degree liberals taking the Presidential oath in “prescense of Almighty God”. One can only imagine Dana Scallon doing so with any heartfelt reverence,
This may be a way of broadening their electoral nets to capture some of the 256,000 Irish people who claimed to be atheist, agnostic or non believers according to the last census.
People who have been forcibly stripped of even control over their own bodies (abortionn and euthanasia), need to become just that more vocal in their support of choice,
Is not a mainstream religion just a sanitized by age cult? You gravitate towards other people of similar views, folllow a certain person or set of characters and your way of life, and how you interact with the world becomes more black or white.
I was glad that the whole area of spirituality in Ireland was almost the first issue raised in the debate last night on RTE, but was disappointed for the above reasons with the visible desire to say the right thing, and not jeopardise any votes. In two weeks time we will see if the new President is a staunch advocate of our long unrevised constitution, which is often terribly ill equipped to deal with a modern day Ireland, or an active participant in helping to recharge the batteries of this changed country for the next seven years. Tuesday 11/10/11: NO thanks Dana. To see someone like Dana, aiming to be our President and appearing at all times to be surgically attached to her copy of the constitution, and not believe that such a document needs to be radically overhauled just defies belief. Perhaps as she is an American citizen, she has a somewhat skewed and tinted picture. Even if she gets her way, she will not look out over the manicured lawns of the Aras and see many “comely maidens dancing at the crossroads” I would consider her as one of the old guard, who dislikes Europe because it has forced us in so many ways to be a more equal nation for women, gays and equality in general. I am very glad that she is at the bottom of the pile, and that she will not have a seven year stint here with her out dated beliefs, which she has already stated she would use to not only hamper the E.U,but ( in my opinion) any future attempts for a more equal Ireland. Oh well, I trust she still has her house and gospel singing career in her adopted county.
Friday 7/10/11: Relentless time keeps pressing on. Did very well in the gym today with bent over rows and chin ups.Must not try to over do it and bring on back pain, all I wanted was enough strength to lif a cup of tea and maybe write a few lines.
Thursday 6/10/11: Well, my little rant on Mary Davis was published in todays Indepenndent. I am glad that she is near the bottom of the heap. Michael D Higgins is probably the most presidential, but I'm sorry to be ageist but he is just too old. In the words of Katht Griffin he "could break a hip taking a shit" I don't think he would be a good bet, for a seven year position. So I am behind Sean Gallagher. Am reading a great book, its "Jesus Freaks", an account of the rise of the "children o god" cult. I had read about them years ago, and seen Ricky's suicidee tape on the net. What terrible things happen when people give their minds over to persuasive preachers. Am looking at the Eden channel, and thankfully we are now understanding that what was once attributed to a god, has very different causes. We certainly don't have all the answers but a god is just too insulting to imagine. Am so happy with the gym. Am even starting to notice that my core is beginning to get a bit strongerf, and today I actually felt my long lst muscles engage as I toppled to the side while trying to manipulate a cup of tea. Wednday 5/10/11: Well at least typing this blog, keeps at least my fingers working. My arms are strong, and I wonder what sort of state I'd be in now without K leisure in Naas. See more disabled people working out there and thats great. Its a pity other gyms don't have some wheelchair accessible machinery. Its unbelievable to see the amount of people who will use the wheelchair parking space, from muscle men to obnoxious parents who don't want their little darlings to get their heads peppered with pesky raindrops. What sort of universal vibration are they emitting, that they really want to be wheelchair bound? Sometimes I really hope they get what they're asking for! Watched the presidential debate with Vincent Browne yesterday, and I think David Norris ruled himself out. At times they were all like bickering kids I now like Sean Gallagher. Dana would be a definate retrograde vote. How she cannot believe that her surgically attached constitution is in dire need of a complete overhaul is just scary. Monday 3/10/11: Am disgusted with Mary Davis for ridng the coat tails of events like the special olympics and dropping how hard she has worked at "disabled" causes, while neglecting to reveal the fact that she was using that word as an emotive byword to earn her a huge salary. Such people really tick me off. I do not consider people like that as advocates, just greedy talk shop lovers who use other people's situations as a financial stepping stone. It would take most people who would qualify for the special olympics a couple of years to earn just 10% of her salary. She has lost my vote! Went to see Katherine Lynch's "The hack of ya" show down in the Cork opera house on saturday,and it was worth all the planning. I even madeit into the show. She ran around the opera house while doing "liz hurley" , spotted me then later as "Sheila Sheikh" one of her gags was "I hate online dating, I was chattin to a guy called "wheeler-dealer". I didn't realize 'til later that he was a fuckin drug dealer in a wheelchair. He's here tonight. How'ya luv. She kindly gave me an autograph too. I was the only wheelchair user there of course. They do not offer any concession for an assistant, so it turns out quite expensive. They had told me before, that they might be able to do something if it was not a full house (it wasn't). Its a recession I know, but charging full price for an assistant without whom I could not manage, seems a bit mercenary, almost like charging a blind person for their guide dog. No wonder there are so many disabled people existing on in their rooms. My assistant was african anyway, and could not even understand most of the show. They redeemed themselves by getting me a signed autograph. She lived up to my expectations, but her support act, an Aussie called Damian Clark was fairly tortuous to sit through. He appeared to have very little rehearsed, and stumbled through picking on some of the people in the front row. It was such a relief when Bernie Walsh & Co came on! Went to see "The Debt" for 5 euro in cork, and its been a long time since I had initially dismissed film about Nazi hunters, but it has a really interesting storyline, with a good twist which I won't reveal, as it will spoil the film. I've seen such a good film! Wednesday 28/8/10: Am so annoyed that I have wasted the morning trying to put fancy 3D text on my site, when I have other things to do. Am one step closer to the funny farm, mow that my mother has painful sciatica. Believe me when I say, that those places are every bit as sad and tragic as perceived to be. You can't sleep or watch tv because of the groaning, people lying in their own filth or vacant faces staring at the telly or playing cards with themselves. Saw a good programme about the rise of cults in Ireland, and really the question for me is how can these so called religious believers cannot reconcile the fact that they are really cult members, that swear over allegiance to another person or institution. I don't know who to be more angry at, Christina Gallagher or the weak minded motons who fund her lavish lifestyle. Saw the fim "Drive". Good music, interesting plot but there is just something very unlikeable about Ryan Gosling. Met someone yesterday. and he is going to make some enquiries on my behalf about writing some paid articles. No mun no fun! Am reading "A wolf at the table" by Augusten Burroughs. His use of words is great. What a skillful craft that is! Friday 23/9/11: As the two year anniversary of my unemployment dawns, I had a sudden surge of stubborn energy and went into the FAS offices in Newbridge. Talk about feeling lower than a snake's belly. What twisted delusion was I labouring under? Could I not see the slanted reflection in the window with feet strapped in and personal assistant in tow? When I saw the other strong able norms, I had a cold blast of reality. If there's nothing for them, just who the hell do I think I'm kidding! But as the woman said, I can't just lie down and play dead. Bu$t even though I have signed up and gotten some useful leads, I am very well aware that in this climate its very much the survival of the fittest. I would dearly love to have a wage again, not to mention the whole social aspect. Reading about reiki but its losing me when it talks about our life conditions being a mirror of our unconscious. I know there are psychsomatic illnesses, and a strong connection between emotions and health but to think I manifested the horrible symptoms of FA, or that a child has somehow ushered leukemia into their lives is just plain insulting! Thankfully I've got Katherine Lynch in Cork this saturday. The wheelchair spaces are at the very back of the Opera House though. Still going to the gym in naas, and my handwriting and general strength are good. I wish some so called professionals could have told me that there was actually a point in exercising. That the muscles are not dead, just comatose! Thursday 15/9/11: Dolly was great. Great crowd interaction and set. What a voice! Nice to see so many wheelchair ussers there. Impossible to have a bad seat in the O2. Killed me to pay 3 euro for a diet coke though! Wednesday14/9/11: I hope anyone reading this with FA will do everything to keep sufficient strength in their legs. I have started using a resistamce band. I am determained to become weight bearing again. Life is jusy too shitty when you become so dependant. Here is part of an email I received from a muslim whose brother has FA last week; " Allah only inflicts such hardships on those fortunate few for whom he wants nothing but paradise. Just as a teacher wants to push his strongest students in order for their own benefit. Verily there is no reward like the reward of Allah. This life is a mere journey, a stop between two places, a mere trial. " Where do i start with this nonsense? How can people believe that the ramblimgs of a sixth century paedophile could provide a coherent set of answers to hypothetical questions. In my opinion these are people with the luxury of having not to worry about dressing, feeding etc. The scary part is that they want to shape the laws for the rest of us I saw a woman on RTE argue against priests breaking the confessional seal, even if a paedophile comes in and confesses because its "divine" with the priest acting as a conduit for jesus. Yesterday I heard on the radio a whole segment about women dressing like "sluts" thereby inviting rape. "Decency and morality" are often bywords for blinkered thinking. If the straight man can't keep it zipped, then the problem is entirely his. We need more gay guys obviously!
I had seen him before last week, so I know he is one of the good guys and accepted that he was just snowed under. Then we got the arrow down to Newbridge. I an full of praise for Iarnrod Eireann. The train journeys are so comfortable and punctual. I remember years ago having to go down to Cork in the dark postal carriage, or trying to navigate long platforms, with no help at all, save for the help of another passanger. This was my first time in Killarney, and i dont think anyone could be uninspired by the beauty of the place. One of the first things that struck me was just the cleanliness of the place. I later learned that they have recieved the tidy towns award, whichh makes perfect sense. So I had four days in Cork, and four days in Killarney. In Cork I got the Paddy Wagon twice and we did Cobh, Kinsale, and Blarney (which was stunning) and up as far as the Cliffs of Moher,and Doolin (which had the best seafood chowder). Its unfortunate with the weather here, but you cannot be dictated to by whether or not the sun comes out, if you did that you might never leave your room. The Paddy Wagon tours were fantastic. Between the driver and my assistant they managed to get me on board behind the drivers seat. Even an Irish person would learn some new information from the guided tours. At times it was a bit diddley aye, but it was certainly money well spent. On Monday we changed at Mallow to go to Killarney, where I ended up spending my birthday in Dingle. We got an accessible van (Alex in VIP CABS, 087 7598024), who turned out to be truely excellent. On the Wednesday we did a boat trip of the lakes, a guided tour of Muckross House , and an ass and cart around the grounds from which my ass has still not recovered. The cart was sloped and I was clinging on for dear life, but the young driver was really nice and it was well worth the thirty euro. The one thing I felt about Muckross, compared to the bog cottages that we were to visit the next day, was the enormous and appalling gap between how people lived.To see the absolute luxury of Muckross house and to see even the amount of money they spent when preparing for a short visit by Queen Victoria, and then to see the standard of the shitholes that the majority of Irish people lived in, you would know why they rose up to overthroe these people. Such terrible inequalities were too rampant i n those times for sure. Did the ring of Kerry with Dero Tours and after all the stunni ng sc enary and experiences it is now back to boring normality. Even though it worked out expensive, for as long as I can I will do trips like this in oirder to give my mother a much needed break, as opposed to a nursing home with the dribbling living dead. Saw "West Side Story" by a youth group in the Moat in naas. They were brilliant and it was funny to see the younger members scan the audience for their family members. Looking forward to seeing Dolly Parton at the O2 on wednesday.
Wednesday 31/8/11: Time is relentlessly passing by and it has never been a friend of mine. Heading to Cork and Kerry soon and just can't wait. Will not be doing heavy lifts in the gym as I feel more stooped than usual. I'm like an old hag at times. Just saw a BBC documentary on gays in Uganda, and I don't know where to start! It really a fear of sexuality hiding behind cult beliefs. The world is terribly overpopulated so in my estimation we badly need more childless gays. As if you would choose to be part of a hated minority. That country gave birth to the description "destitute squalid shithole". They should focus on the straights who are obviously having way too much sex and spawning way too much. I love the Katherine Lynch joke ( by the way I'll see her in Cork on Oct' 1st) that in her opinion Susan Boyle should be sent to Afghanistan." See how many of them are willing to blow themselves up when they see what a real bleedin virgin looks like" Exactly! Whats so great about celibacy anyway??????????? Here is an article I researched on a nearby place, I never knew it had so much history. Its interesting what unsung treasures are under our feet. Killashee House Hotel has a history which kust leeps evolving. Behind its wrought gates lies an estate steeped in history, yet forging a commercial one now as a leisure centre, spa and country house. Few are aware of jus how many stories lie within the estate, . It is this very history, which may ultimately save it from falling into the clutches of NAMA There are the ruins of a small church behind the main house which is claimed to have been built by St Patrick himself in the fifth century.
Sunday 14/8/11: Had to sleep on the floor last night, as the electricity went off while I was upright in my electric bed. With a locked pelvis it was impossible to turn.What a thing is man! Thank you ESB for getting your finger out fairly promptly. Going to Dublin tomorrow for a 2 day hotel break/treat after the nightmare with my eyes, which I am now thrilled with. Don't miss glasses at all! Must finish the next module of my journalsm course today. Tueday 26/7/11: Fell in the bathroom, and had to crawl back to the bedroom. Thanks to the gym, and my effort in getting my arms stronger. My mother of course praises her pussy eating desert itinerant jesus cunt. What he reportedly did is nothing compared to what humans go through day in and day out. The cults will really milk Norway for all its fear inducing worth. It just goes to show that religious belief is a kind of mental sickness. Am gettig my reading vision back thankfully. Its not as good as it was, but certainly much better. Not being able to read was an absolute nightmare. Going up for a checkup tomorrow. Sometimes the clarity is brilliant, and I think it was money well invested in myself. Other times I can't even focus on a line...... Wednesday 15/6/11: This laptop is being collected today to be returned to the UK to have the dvd burner fixed. So I may as well update this page now, as it will probably be a while before it gets done again. Trust me to be one of the 5% who need a top up of the laser surgery, but next tuesday, I will head back to the Blackrock Clinic. Its come down to a quality of life decision for me. I am sick of stabbing myself in the eye with them, dropping them so often that they are badly chipped, picking them up with my curled hands, so I am seeing through dirty lens. Having been used to perfect crystal clear vision, I cannot accept 2D. There is just too much colour and beauty around. Now if only we had more choices over our bodies and other life choices! Will various Pentecostal churches cater to Cork's spiritually needy, or is the deficit created by the Catholic Church and a changing society just too big to fill? Eric Doran recalls a recent accidental encounter.
Wednesday: Hard to believe its the first day of june. Had a great few days. Started off with a creative writing course in Newbridge, which I had to leave early in order to get the train to cork city. The first mistake I made was not realising that there is a monumental difference between Jurys Inn and Hotel. Any wheelchair users please note that if it says Inn, then you should definitely keep out. It would have ruined my short break ( if not bones, but that’s a longer and potentially libellous story). At least the staff were helpful and we made our way to the Clarion hotel, which was like going to paradise. A modern, classy place, but when you don’t have a weekly wage coming in, the room only rate at 99 euro was only barely justifiable, and kudos to Jury’s for allowing myself and assistant to go back there for breakfast. Cork is so beautiful, and I love the accent. It is teeming with non nationals, and I can’t figure out how they can understand the lingo, and in turn make themselves understood. To hear Asians with a strong cork accent was comical. Really enjoyed the train down, and Iarnrod Eireann have improved so much (bar the station at Fota which is dismal; see complaining email later about Fota wildlife park.) Had a play lined up at Cork Opera House and had the same problem with them attempting to charge full price for my assistant. Thankfully this was resolved as there wasn’t a full house for "Whistle in the Dark" and the people shuffled over. Monday, we made our way to Cobh and the final European leg for the titanic. Fantastic photo opportunities, especially as the clear skies were still successfully battling the rain. Then on we went to Fota wildlife park and a bumpy ride getting into it too. Later it was off to the Camden Palace hotel to see a documentary film on transsexuals and sexual identity byork LGBT,folowed by an amazing Japanese meal at Yamamoto’ Breakfast cut short, couldn’t miss the 10.30, and was notoing to wait for the next train an hour later Here is the email I sent to Fota Wildlife; "I visited fota for the first time on Monday. After crossing the train tracks and being dragged backwards up a steep incline (not your problem I know but bear with me) we get to the ticket desk and informed that it is not fota's policy to comp the assistant. This was later rescinded when I asked to speak to a manager as this is like asking a blind person to payfor his/her dog. The trip would not be possible for me, without an assistant, in terms of pushing and toilet. Friday 27-5-11: Just back from the PJ Gallagher show in the Moat Theatre in Naas, which unfortunately never happened. It seems he broke his leg. Got my dates mixed up last week, and showed up early for his concert on the 20th, so not sure if I'm brave enough to try a third time. Apparently it has been rescheduled for July 15th, but I'm sure there were a lot of very disappointed people. Its going to be a busy few days for me. Have got a writing course in the Riverbank tomorrow, and then I'm Cork city bound. I've been told that Jurys Inn has an unbeatable location, so I will put it to the test until Tuesday. Can't wait to see Cork again. Its been yeas. A terrible thing happened locally. A man poured petrol and set fire to himself. I think this is what's called self immolation. I often think about how amazing humans are, and will never understand that despite the heavy loads they carry day in day out, they still feel the necessity or obligation to worship so called gods, who seem to have sailed through most of their own lives. This mans head must have been a terrible prison, but you have to be thankful that he got his death wish. It would have been terrible to have survived, severely burned, and no doubt with a one way ticket to the nearest funny farm. Whee life is concerned, it is a question of quality over quantity for sure. I heard people say " why didn't he let nature take its course" as he was already aged, but I think that this is a horrible comment which mostly comes from cult followers. For someone to do this to themselves just gives you the merest idea of what sort of turmoil is whizzing around in their heads all day. In my mind they are the true gods. Heres an article I wrote for some local papers, but which was never picked up. With shut down roads amid understandable security, the royal couple swept through Kildare on thursday. It now appears that security was not so tight with crowds gathered at the lights in Kilcullen or the entrance to Gilltown stud in Brannockstown, even if all they got for their trouble was a fast procession of cars and maybe a glimpse of a feahered cap? Could the army not have been better used, rather than the huge Garda security bill? This was a major state visit after all.The country can't afford visits like this on every level, but you have to admire her courage at going into the lions den. Thankfully she found that its angry roar has long been placated. Her speech at Dublin Castle, with its tentative as gaeilge introduction was endearing, and seemed to elevate her above old feuds, and out of the colourful historical trappings she happened to be born into. I am certainly no royalist, and wince when I see someone bowing and scraping before just another, flesh and blood human being, but I am glad that finally it is very evident that the disguised uniformed militia, or the flag burning and protest loving yobs, are not the mouthpiee of the majority of Irish people, or the undisputed advocates of Irish history. Good to see the courteous as opposed to fawning reception they got, with little dipping of the caps offerd or expected.. It would have been another matter entirely if she had have paraded around with bejewelled head, offering weak waves to ecstatic plebs. Indeed as the few days went by, so did interest in this aged celebrity couple. People realise that we can never go forward if we are always held hostage to the past. If this were the leader of China, Iran etc they would be welcomed with somewhat similar pomp, and look at their dismal Human Rights records. Do the people who would have such hatred for what they feel she represents, have any regard for all the Irish who found a life, and are living and thriving in England? In her own words “ we are more than just neighbours”. An audible sigh of relief could be sensed when she safely left. It was a four day reprieve from focus on recession and debt. After days of walking and hand shaking she deserves a rest. Sunday 1-5-11: Was in Skerries yesterday getting some poorly portioned seafood. This year is really zipping by. Nice to see the royal wedding, but the saturation coverage is making the goings on in Libya seem even a little more appealing now. There is the beatification ceremony of John Paul II in Rome, where his exhumed body will no doubt be picture perfect, and stinking of roses. Try reading "The Pope in Winter" for a more balanced perspective. The medieval hocus pocus machine still rumbles on! Saturday 23/4/11: After the horrible winter we endured, we certainly deserve this good spell of weather. Another easter, another ovedose on chocolate and weak adoration of an over focused calvary. I feel like protesting. What about the rest of us human's who go through far worse each and every day. Saw a programme about the universe yesterday. Its so obvious that there is so much we haven't a clue about. Human religions are a poor attempt at providing answers of some sort. Check out this personal site about an English girl with FA. Its a nice non medical site. Going well at the gym. Its really helping my transfers. Tuesday 12/4/11: Turning my attention to the garden. They are looking very promising. Did 3 articles,but can't get anyone to publish them ( or even reply to an email in some cases) Ebook is available now at amazon, but they have not included any book description or cover. Had a meeting with an occupational therapist today, and said there should be a more interdisciplinary appproach. Instead of giving more and more equipment, they should work in tandem with physical therapists and advise on ways to get the muscles working again, as the more dependent you are, the darker life becomes certainly. Her all too common response about cutbacks, does ring a bit hollow for me. It seems to be the scapegoat for everything! With no political affiliations, deep pockets or widespread country wide network, what explains a waiting list until 2015 for the Educate Together school in Newbridge?
As I caught a glimpse of the 250 students, I was surprised at the racial mixture. There were evena few redheads among the mostly white kids who filed past. The Dept of Education usually looks at an area, and on the basis of local demand and liaising with the respective county council, ascertains what kind of denominational, multi denominational or Educate Together school would best fit. With growing support from grass roots to the new Minister for Education Ruairi Quinn, it looks certain that their number will grow, from a current national total of just 56. “We don't have any friends in high places” and there is the ever present funding issues. Even though Minister Quinn was a guest to the grounds last year, and is a vocal advocate of the Educate Together philosophy, it remains to be seen just what kind of support he will provide. Is there any role for religion in Educate Together schools? “We cater for all religions and none” They have a “Learn Together” class, where all religious beliefs are catered for, as well as atheism and humanism. There is a religious instruction class which operated outside school hours, for those who want a specific denomination catered for. She rejects the notion that parents would only send their children on religious grounds.“Its all about choice and our parents are very discerning”. I put to her the scenario of nominal Catholics, hastily getting their kids baptized for Communion or other show events, and not really subscribing to the given beliefs. Will such children provide the future year intakes of Educate Together? Diplomatically she avoids answering, citing the fact that she has only ever worked in multi denominational schools, and therefore has “no frame of reference” for any generalizations. According to the principal Eimear Carey, a Newbridge native herself, it is the progressive and democratic ethos of the school that marks it as unique and desirable. No school uniforms are worn, and teachers are addressed by their first names. Adhering to a “Positive Body Language” program, they are required never to raise their voices, and indeed to be careful of their posture, and never to tower over a child. For the rest of us, who endured a very different school climate, this is indeed novel stuff,. No Sir, Ms, singled out reprimands or imposing authority figures. Their catchment area is widespread, with children coming from as far as Blessington to begin the school day at 8.30am. A free bus for students who live over 3 miles is provided though. Active parent involvement is encouraged, with both staff and parents volunteering for after school activities such as gymnastics. No school uniforms are worn, not surprisingly in a place which values individuality so much. There are presently no secondary level type schools, and it must be especially difficult to go into a convent school after this brand of education. They prepare their students for such a transition by assisting them to be as independently thinking and self assured as possible. The goal to be striven for is to encourage their pupils to be “confident but not cocky”. “Watch this space” she says about her hope for secondary schools to emerge, as another viable secondary level option. There is a national office based in Parkwest, with a CEO and board of directors. They have surprisingly been around since the late seventies, correctly anticipating a changed Ireland. Based in Newbridge since 2003, everything seems to be coming together for them now.“The future is bright” she declares, and so it seems. (2) Deliberation or procrastination? Has the global downturn turned us into a protective hard hearted people, or will economics be used as an excuse to prolong, or increase the difficulties endured by existing asylum seekers? The number of asylum seekers this year is 258, compared to a high of 11,634 in 2003 with only 13 positive recommendations as of the end of February being granted, according to statistics provided by the Office of the Refugee Applications Commissioner. In 2005, Irish law was changed, making a child born here not automatically entitled to Irish citizenship. This unquestionably contributes to the marked fall. This position is not supported by the new Minister for Justice Alan Shatter, who favours granting automatic citizenship to children born on Irish soil, and their parents. It will be interesting to see how the new Minister handles such an emotive issue, as he has previously questioned why asylum cases take so long to be processed, during which time no paid work or even study can be pursued? On Monday 7th February Rotimi Oguntuyi, his wife Mariam and their three daughters who were born here were awoken at 5am. After 7 years of deliberation,they received their deportation papers by uniformed agents. he still groggy atmosphere of Eyre Powell hotel in Newbridge, was soon to be transformed into a screaming circus . Not allowed to collect any personal items, they were whisked to Dublin airport and a one way ticket to Lagos, Nigeria. I went back recently to find the asylum seekers on special tenderhooks. A mixture of professional and graduates, they now find themselves in a state of limbo. Frightened by the above mentioned case they now view appealing the decisions of the refugee tribunal as a request for immediate deportation. So they wait, some doing volunteer work to fill the days. As a nation, which is once again revisiting the dark days of emigration and forced separation, it is completely natural that a survival instinct kicks in, and keeps our minds on more pressing issues closer to home. Why worry about refugees who are draining our resources even further, staying in hotels with meals provided and €19 a week allowance on top of all that? We know from history that when the going gets tough, a mean spirit can takes hold and the search is on for a person or group which can be used as a convenient scapegoat. The asylum seekers I have spoken to want to be able to contribute to this country. Integrating fully, yet proudly holding onto their own traditions. Will they be allowed to do so, or keep on waiting for that early morning visit? (3) Hotbeds of future division and elitism, or centres for Cultural appreciation, Is the future rosy for the Gael Scoileanna or will the new Minister for Education, Ruairi Quinn have other ideas. Newbridge Gael Scoil principal Seán de Paor sets a few facts straight. There are approximately 150 Irish language schools in the 32 counties. Influenced by the great success of french speaking schools in Quebec, in protecting and promoting their once at risk culture, they began to be emulated in Ireland in the late 70's. Although perfectly aware of their depiction in the media, de Paor rejects such “soundbytes” by economist/commentator David McWilliams’ Referring to his best selling comment's about the “yummie mummie” brigade, the upwardly mobile who favour the newly fashionable gael scoils, despite having little or no Irish themselves. Writing for his book, which has facilitated many kitchen table debates around the country, he pours scorn on them as “The Pope's Children”. He seems to paint a worrying picture of a nationalist grouping, with almost overbearing parents harbouring a strong desire to incubate their kids from the multi-cultural Ireland of today. He doesn't accept that their popularity is influenced by the segregationist wishes of white parents, who don't want their children educated in the newly multi ethnic and denominational schools here. His school does not hold any bias, with their pupils coming from all parts of Newbridge, disadvantaged and affluent. Rejecting this unfounded notion he says “we don't care what background someone comes from, as long as they have an interest in Irish and accept the fact that everything is going to be taught through it”. These cultural differences “could only serve to enhance” Irish language schools, and it is his personal belief that every school should take a fixed percentage of kids from minority backgrounds. They currently have two non white students, and last year welcomed inter race Cork hurler Seán Óg Ó hAilpín, who himself went to a Gael Scoil. Newbridge and Naas, are completely under the jurisdiction of the Department of Education and subject to regular inspections, whichturned also challenges any amateur conspiracy theories of private gushing wealth. With a new government, ever tightening purse strings and a noticeable gloom in many sectors, what is his stance on all this? He suspects an “anti Irish (language) and Catholic” whiff in the air from the new government, and was alarmed when he heard the new Minister's televised remarks that “about half” of schools should be turned multi denominational. Minister Quinn will be “a definate ally of Educate Together” type schools, with whom they enjoy very good relations and are indeed situated opposite each other in the grounds of the old Japanese school right beside the curragh. Demand far outstrips the availability of Gael Scoils. Contrary to media impressions, there have been no new Irish language schools opened since 2008, and only two more have been approved for next year by the Dept of Education, one in Dublin the other in Meath. Each school seems to have different criteria regarding funding and religious affiliation, with the school in Newbridge having a Catholic ethos and non fee paying. Although completely dependent on the education department, they do enjoy vigorous fundraising from the parents association for extra curricular activities or additional sporting equipment. He is not sure where these divisive rumour's come from, but is at pains to point out that one of his daughters teaches in a gael scoil in Jobstown, Tallaght and that he himself did his teacher training in the shadow of the old Ballymun flats. Not being from an Irish speaking family himself, he does think that parents have an appreciation for the Irish culture and language, and want to pass that on to their kids, knowing full well that if the language dies, so too will much of the culture. The school itself is bright and modern, with a young vibrant staff, and children who will forever have a lasting fondness for the Irish language and culture. After finishing here, they can go on to an all Irish secondary school, of which there are far fewer (there is one in Naas).With 450 students presently enrolled, and a waiting list that is replicated countrywide, there doesn't seem much chance of that happening anytime soon. Sunday 3/4/11 Mothers Day: Go see "Limitless". It was the best film I've seen in ages. Finshed an interview with the principal of the Gael Scoil in newbridge.Went to see a great play in the Moat on thursday called "Dear Frankie".Very Interesting! Good to see the longer days, and colourful flowers. For anyone with typing issues, I'd recommend downloading Open Office. It has a word filler component that is so handy. Rather than typing the whole word, it presents an option of what the word may possibly be. Saves so much time!
Friday 11/3/11: Can't seem to shake off this damn cold. My routine is in bits. Never thought I'd miss the gym but my hard earned muscle has gone to mush. Bad weather is back.Confused the dates and missed my writing course. Come on kylie, get me through this month! 1) Write a 300-word review of any published book you have read recently or a 300-word review of any film or TV programme you have seen recently. Despite the unthinkable, and just when life seemed too perfect, tragedy struck but despite a long grueling road Mavis Marsh documents how 'I couldn't abandon my son'. Urged to come to terms with the initial medical write off that he would be a vegetable, and to find a nice nursing home where Matthew could be deposited, allowing them time to continue on with their own lives. Given her new found appreciation of the power of memory in shaping our lives, she starts her book with chapters devoted to her own happy life as a young girl, wife and working mother. All this was brought to an abrupt end by the arrival of local policemen, bearing news that her only son, soon to receive his PhD, had fallen off a roof, and was in intensive care in Middleton. Months were spent by his comatose bedside, until slowly one eye opened and the long difficult journey towards a degree of independence, which still continues, began. They became his staunchest advocates and protector, changing and turning him when hospital staff seemed preoccupied, and not giving him enough attention, a fact that she notes made them unpopular with the powers that be. A "Richard & Judy "True" competition winner, it would be a disservice to cite it as another misery memoir. Its really a story about the power of love, about how a comfortable lifestyle can be irrevocably changed by a uniformed house call. Her hope is that others in similar situations be empowered knowing that" the doctors' and nurses' attitudes need questioning". word count:300 5) Write a 500-word magazine or newspaper travel feature, based on your personal experiences of a recent holiday or outing. As their natural environment dwindles, do zoos serve a vital function, and on rain swept days who exactly is taking advantage of who? It had been over 30 years since I last visited Dublin zoo, an unpleasant assemblage of memories of cramped spaces, lost majesty and a freak show element that would cause one to question the very need for zoos. Were they simply an outdated confinement space for overfed and overly pampered kids to scream and gawk at behind the comforting reassurance of perspex?
Except in my case, it was a bedraggled 36 year old, with mismatched clothes and an empty belly, who had stubbornly decided that today was a zoo day, even though the howling winds and frequent drenching, led me to wonder if myself and my friend would be the only two animals on reluctant display. The excellent luas line dropped us off at Heuston station, from where it was a ten minute walk to the zoo entrance. On any remotely bearable day, this would have been a relieving chance to get some nice fresh air, but today was no normal day. Gasping sporadic breaths as we battled our way up the incline from the south gates of the Phoenix Park, we began the day early. Once inside, we were treated to a vast lake with many exotic sounds. Unfortunately the brimming grey skies and biting winds could only temporarily coax out the two monkeys from their island reserve. I think they were monkeys, as by this time the skies had angrily opened, my trousers were drenched and my glasses could have sorely used wipers. Of course we stayed inside as much as possible listening to the occasional keeper, or reading up on the animals, as excited children led their parents all over this natural habitat campus. For me, this is one of the key achievements of this place. To be able to impart a small sense of our interconnectedness, and a genuine love for the ways of these animals among people who may never get the chance to witness them in their native homelands is hopefully mutually beneficial. Unfortunately the cries of those who urge the closure of these psychologically damaging prisons, completely miss the point that even in their shrunken natural habitat, they are far from safe with an increase in global demand for fur and ivory among other parts. We did the full tour, even though I silently agreed with the intellect of all of the animals who refused to come out of their cosy enclosures. This shows how they are not willing participants in this tourist game. If they had any decency, they could at least have stood still for my probing lens. word count:500
Friday 18/2/11: Went in to see somebody in a nursing home. It is modern and looks good from the outside, but once you cross the threshold that heady mix of piss and disinfectant assaults your senses. The room of open mouthed wrinklies staring in the direction of a t.v is so beyond words pitiful that I will never stop highlighting it. Hopefully the day will come when the law wil stop treating people worse than dogs! Saturday 12/2/11: Fighting a cold and the only thing which has prevented me from coughing up a lung is the flu jab, which I now always get because it really does work. Thankfuly I ket quiet during "Angels in America" at the Moat in Naas. I have been looking forward to it for weeks, but could not have gone if I was going to be like a verbal chainsaw during it. There were special effects to match the fantastical moments of the play, and great credit to the amateur actors for managing to disguise their heavy kildare accents, with american drawls. There was nothing remotely amatuerish, but how these people can hold down day jobs as well as learning all that dialogue and making it all so effortlessly believable was impressive. "All that is God and wisdom cannot be contained in just one belief system" says Fr Joe Millulcahy, a convalescing Kiltegan Father. Once upon a colonial time, the Catholic missionaries were the proud emblem bearers of their faith. Bringing ( now the used word would be imposing) their redeeming certainty of how life should be lived to a dark continent. The richness of the existing beliefs and way of life in Nigeria, Tanzania, Kenya etc over three decades has led him to categorically depart from that skewed way of thinking. A late vocation to the church, he was not ordained until the age of 35 after a successful career as an accountant and auditor. Following in the footsteps of an uncle and two aunts (all religious), he embarked on an African odyssey for which he still pines for, and but for ill health would still be pursuing. The positivity of the people he met amidst a sea of ongoing turmoil made a lasting impression., and from the first day he felt at home, as if he was walking down the familiar streets of his native Cork. He has no kind words for the western countries, who he feels continue to perpetuate the poverty and associated problems. African countries are forced to grow lucrative coffee bean and pineapple crops, instead of life sustaining wheat and other more practical foodstuffs. This economic enslavement to debt repayment, has triggered much of the civil strife, or as Fr Joe calls them "famine wars". Recently in a series of interviews for the book "Light of the World" Pope Benedict gave tentative approval for the use of condoms in combating the spread of AIDS, an epidemic which threatens to erode decades of economic development in sub Saharan Africa, and for which Fr Joe wholeheartedly approves. However he still would view contraception as "not natural", but if they can help combat the horrors of AIDS, which he has personally witnessed many times, then they get his vote. Its very easy to intellectualize a problem from afar, but as he says "you have to be on the ground" From that unique vantage point everything changes. Now based at his order’s sprawling estate outside the Wicklow town of Kiltegan, I really wanted to find out if he felt hopeless or hopeful about the conditions of African life, which may arguably be worse now than when he started. Arguably,it maybe worse now then when he started, with civil wars, child slavery and AIDS, alongside the ever present droughts and famines. "If I have made a difference in just one persons life, that is enough for me. You can’t change the world". Now religious vocations have dried up in the west, in marked contrast to the burgeoning churches of Africa, who are now sending their own missionaries to the west. He views one of Christianity’s main accomplishments as breaking the "enslaving" hold of witchcraft. "We made mistakes" when he remembers the arrogance of the early church, and is thankful that the tribal beliefs have enriched his own search for the truth. "We made mistakes" he acknowledges when he remembers the arrogance of the early church, and is thankful that the tribal beliefs have enriched his own search for the truth. It is only recently that the wider world is becoming suitably impressed by the deep spirituality, which has existed there for millennia. We had a tour of the former novitiate and training college, adorned with many haunting (if not taunting) pictures and statues of the teeming continent, for which he had such an immediate affinity. I could not help but feel for these great men who had given their lives to a colorful exuberant continent and her people. Now in physical and numerical decline, they end their days with their memories in rain swept county Wicklow, but the bond is deep and everlasting. A portrait of a bejeweled young Masai woman, painted by one of the elderly priests, hangs in the conservatory, where on sunny days the priests shuffle down to read the papers. "My heart is still in Africa" Fr Joe quietly says.
Monday 24/1/11: Am going crazy with my laptop. It went all the way to England, but managed to come back in worse condition. Went to see Abie Philban Bowman at the Moat in Naas. Am looking forward to Angels in America there in Febuary. It should be nice and topical. As liberal as we might think we are, we still have a fear of sexuality. As if sex is only somehow right or permissable between a married man and woman, who can bear children ( who can be sufficiently indoctrinated to repeat the cycle). Reading "Desert Children" by Waris Dirie, which broaches the subject of female genital mutilation. Over one hundred and fifty million women are reported to have had this terrible thing done, but the surprising thing for me was that it is being carried out on a growing scale among immgrants of european cities. This is another by product of insane religious dogma and mysogony. Certainly if young boys were having their testicle cut off by dodgey equipment there would be much more of an uproar. I think France is leading the way in combating it by insisting on gentle inspection, so if the girls are sent back to the African countries with the prospect of having this procedure done, they have to be re-examined before being let back into France. Quite rightly if they are on French soil , they have to obey French laws. And as with the burka, this procedure is most definitely not welcome. Cowen is gone, and not a moment too soon. His bravado was beginning to sound terribly arrogant. Canada and Australia never had the bank mess, so the recession excuse can't be used all the time. There was terrible mismanagement here, banks dishing out money to builders and such. But hopefully we will learn from our expensive mistakes. Still going to the gym, and would ask anyone with FA reading this to concentrate on their obliques. Once they start breaking down, you're up shit street. But the good news is that the situation can be alleviated. The muscles are not dead, just comatose. Saw on Sky News that the West End had a record christmas. I can understand why. I will never forget seeing the magical play Wicked. For a couple of hours, you were in a diffferent, bubbly and imaginative world. Wednsday 12/1/11: Had an okay time in Limerick. It did not live up to its reputation at all, as we could not have felt safer, and the streets were almost completely empty by nine o clock. Had settled on a cheap and cheerful hotel, the Best Western Pery's, which promotes itself as wheelchair accessible, but is absolutely not. This place is unfortunately an accident waiting to happen. The beds had to be repositioned (the staff are lovely but my hands were cut trying to negotiate the little passageway up to the t.v. and desk area. No handrails on the toilet, tiny bathtub and a doorframe that my normal sized chair had to be squeezed through, make an assistant an essential, but even at that I would never put myself through that again. Tried to change hotel, but the staff at the pier hotel didn't even bother to return our call, so maybe we had a lucky escape there. A stair climber in the lobby, does not make this hotel wheelchair accessible and should not advertise themselves as so. The only redeeming feature for me was the free Wi-Fi Enjoyed the Hunt museum. No problems with the train. Had to go all the way to Heuston, to get the arrow down to newbridge. It was only a three day break, a change of scenary for me and a break for mother.
Satuday 1/1/11: Have a great year everyone. If your body works, squeeze as much fun and excitement as time allows. For a lot of us, time is fairly contemptible. Just too damn much of it! Still existing in a warped climate which treats dogs better, and demands adhe rance to desert itinerant ramblings. Have just finished "The Fry Chronicles" by Stephan Fry which I had received as an xmas present thankfully. There are certainly well written pieces of wit, but also excruciatingly boring pages and pages of a guided tour of every play he did in cambridge and beyond. Okay, so he is a man of words, but he could at least embellished those sleep inducing descriptions of every play he was, in and who with. And this was only an account of his life until the age of thirty. Like I said, thankfully it was a present.
And to think some people still do not believe in global warming! Its nice to look at for a day or two, but it gets old very quick. As far as I'm concerned America is more than welcome to it now. Saw as much as I could stomach of "Ps, I love you". What a heap of rubbish! Terrible phony ear numbing diddly eye accents. If churning out this tosh can make you a millionaire, I better dust off my pen. Sunday 12/12/10: Am officially a hater of this snow, and all the mayhem and forced isolation. I know some people rally around and check up on people, but I'm sure a lot of elderly and disabled were left housebound, and in appaling conditions. Assistants were just not able to get out, and it was a lose lose situation for all involved. We must now accept that we will get heavy snowfall every year, and tprepare ourselves accordingly. Whether its just to get winter tyres, the country can't just shut down. I was yylucky enough to escape to galway, while gutters collapsrsed, roads were so glassy even tractor's overturned and pipes burst at home. The army should have played a greater, more immediate role. They could have been out clearing the worst affected roads, rather than having paid holidays in Liberia, or prancing around the curragh. Still technically doing my journalism course, and some writing, although motivation (and a wonky keyboard) are the ever present enemies. My muscles have pathetic memory. My well earned arms had shrivelled up in galway,so I guess I will have to keep going back to naas regularly. If I lose my arm strength.................well lets not even go there! I also just hope that in the next few weeks I'm not going to be comfort eating like crazy. I think the mistake I made in Naas was to put far too much emphasis on strength exercises. I saw some video of me down in Galway and while I did have very strong arms, I still had a very big face and mid-section, which are exactly the two areas that you want to see improvements in. Sometimes I'm amazed at the amount of money that still seems to be in circulation. People are seeimgly desperate to get to the shops and buy all around them. After Galway especially, and the unexpected expense of staying there for eight days, I am sort of looking forward to the prospect of being housebound, especially as they are expecting a new wave of snow later on in the week. I am housebound again today as the roads around us are dangerously icy. Was watching a programme called Spirit Level on RTE yesterday, hosted by Joe Duffy. The usual fan fare was being made about putting Christ back into Christmas, but its very obvious that Christmas is really a hijacked end of year pagan festival. As I get older,I more strongly believe that the innate goodness that exists in people is not dependent on their belief in fairytales. These jesus people should read Amy Dockser Marcus's "The View from Nebo", or my own little e-"book" offering "Virgins can't give Birth" which will be available shortly (fingers crossed before xmas) through my spirituality page. Saturday 6/11/10 Finished Maya Angelou's "Letters to my Daughters". As powerful a writer as she is, and as a supposedly sharp and intelliget woman, she lets herself down by repeatedly using the word "cripple". I know this word still has a degree of social acceptability, and it is still too often used, but I would have expected more from a woman of her calibre. Cripple for me is in the same category as nigger or faggot. Unacceptable! Think I've finally found my comfortable groove at the gym in naas. Rope curls are working out great for me. I do a lot more strength/tricep exercises, and less time on that tedious exercise wheel. Maybe an ipod is essential, because every second really does feel like an hour on it. For practical reasons, it sure contains lots of motivation. The ability to hold a cup and write were sorely missed, as well as just having more pushing power and better grip. Its amazing how every body is different, so its just trial, error and experimentation which will lead to results. I need to be stricter with my diet for sure. Invest in your own body people, and keep your machine running as smoothly as possible! No more cold feet, now that the weather is taking its seasonal nosedive. Got "Heat Holder's" in Heaton's. They have some patented insulator (or something) which keeps your feet nice and toasty. Watched oprah's visit to south africa last night. By all means contribute to these causes, but there was definately an off putting do gooder factor. It would be more immediate and more pressing, to tackle the homeless, impoverishd cases on our very own doorsteps, those who are not going to be so easily placated with a football, doll and sneakers. Start closer to home people. To keep the brain cells active, am doing a distance course in journalism and creative writing. The power of the inner critic is suffocating. It takes courage to reveal or expose your views in any way. I might try and do an e-book. Saw "Let Me In"'' in liffey valley, which was an interesting take on the whole vampire phenomenon. The cinema in tallaght is reopening under IMC. No definate opening date, but surely they will be ready for the lucrative christmas market. My neck can't wait!
30/10/10: ......Lady Gaga forever ! Went to see Lady Gaga and she surpassed all expectations. Her set and constume changes were just stunning. After the disappointment of the Michael Buble concert, this was well worth the money. Its impossible not to have a good seat in the O2, and this woman for sure does not have vertigo. Anyone who brought their young child to the concert was a fool, and thankfully she did not tone down her performance for fear of offending someone. She is very much a creative artist and as she said , all her money goes back into the stage show. This was evident, as its very much a visual extravaganza. I really want to go up in the Dublin Eye wheel, so maybe on Sunday. Thankfully the gym in Naas is paying serios dividends, as the belly has gone way down, and I will NEVER allow it to get so big again. It makes sense when you think about it, if you are overeating, all those calories have to go somewhere. Thankfully I am building up my arms again , and I notice strength coming back. So the muscles weren't dead as I had been led to believe, they were just dormant. Now, if I could just unlock this pelvis........ Monday 18/10/10: Joe, Thank fuck you're dead! What a barbaric death obsessed world, that sanctions the choiceless existences of so many, so that we can all bomb off and worship indefinately some cretin, who only had the slightest sniff of how truly shitty life can be. My biggest hope is that other people will continue to take up the baton, and put more emphasis and focus on what the people of this life go through. Staggered through thirty five long years,careers for many out of my unruly body,Ungrounded and weightless problems,ferocious pit or gentle slumber?One life reduced by fire into a pretty vase,that's my choice, MINE!Keep on searching people,for values finite, tangible and here.not an illusion.Annoying dissenting voices will not cause anarchy of a bad kind,slanted writing, locked drooped pelvis,Hard drive of secrets,Cluster of unfulffilled ambitions,Maybe next time,Friday 16/10/10 Thrilled wth the results I'm getting from the gym in naas. Now, if I could only keep my damned cakehole closed! For anyone with F.A reading this, work out your triceps! So much functionality has come back to me, and it gives me hope that the other muscle's are just in a deep slumber, as opposed to hopelessly atrophied. Wednsday 13/10/10: Increasing decrepitude! Heroic Mankind, Fathomless resources, Possibility to grow tall and strongly interconnected, Seedling is contaminated What could have been a mighty oak Becomes a stunted bonzai tree. Just had the O.T and wheelchair guy out to look at getting me a new chair for xmas. Apparently my pelvis is all screwed up. Catching my reflection in a shop window, I am stooped over like an old crone. Going well with my journalism course, and have contated the Leinster Leader about the possibility of doing a few pieces for them. Glad to be back to uneventful normality. Have started using the pool in naas. I try and go when its nice and quiet, so the kids won't think flipper has escaped. But am starting to see and feel the results, which is spurring me on even more. If I could only be more strict with my diet, as it takes so much time and effort to work those damn calories off. Working the triceps, and they're paying rich practical dividends. Friday 1/10/10: Back from a great five days, which started off amidst the dismal surroundings of the gables in newbridge, but which thankfully snowballed into seeing the best of the west. Its impossible not to be proud to be Irish, when sitting before the cliffs of moher, kylemore abbey or travelling through connemara. To see the great photo's of this trip, have a look at my webshots account. Secured an assistant and a driver, and off we went to the Galway Harbour Hotel, which was like a five starr oasis, after the dive we had just left, and it cost less. It was strategically located. Have never totally agreed with the hype about Galway town, but there is a buzz about it. The Victorian Walled Gardens, partly restored at the back of Kylemore Abbey, are something to behold alright, and the good weather made taking a bad picture almost an impossibility. Michael Buble was a little bit of a disappointmen with his time filling antics, and the biting wind which was coming in at Aviva Stadium. Roll on Lady GaGa at O2 at the end of the month. Sunday 19/9/10: Am glad the pope has had such a good reception. I think it has largely been a responce to the scandal overkill. These abuses happened a long ime ago, and while I don't want to trivialize it, but,enough is enough. All the apologies and successful lawsuits in the world, will never satiate these people. Am not a jesus freak, but have to stand up for all the good priests and nuns. I remember the young priest in ucd sixteen years ago, telling of feelng stanger's eyes burn into him, as he went around with his young niece. Abuse stories have been pretty much a staple part of newspaper column's everyday since. I think that this issue has been hijacked by people with other agenda's.It was lovely to see all the sights of london again. Does it make me want to go to church again? Well, I wouldn't go that far..... Thursday 16/9/10: It may seem strange, but I am following the pope' visit to scotland through sky news. I really thought that the anti pope mood was so strong, that he would be shot or at least constantly heckled. It seems to be off to a great start. I don't think I agree with the pope on any issue, but he sure does have guts, to go so willingly into the lions den. For all those giving out about the taxpayer footing the bill, well they're not footing the whole bill, and did they kick up a similar storm over state visits by the chinese, pakistani, iranian's etc with terrible human rights records. I liked what the First Minister of Scotland said, that people are perfectly allowed to protest, but not to totally spoil the day for everyone. I'm listening to the beautiful music at bellaheuston, and part of me is still expecting ian paisley, or child abuse survivors to gatecrash the event, with their tired over rehearsed and heard rants. I look forward to hearing susan boyle sing later. I wonder will he get the same reception south of the border? Would someone not teach him to pronounce his english words without that grating german accent? I liked what stephan fry had to say about him (apart from the state visit part obviously), but hope that their are no ugly protests, for the sake of all the wonderful believers, priest' and nun's. Friday 10/9/10: Burn Baby Burn! I hope that american pastor is not going to back down through intimidation and fear, and goes ahead with his plans to burn the ramblings of the paedophile mohammed. My only difference, is that I would put the bible, torah etc on the pyre as well. Of course you see effigies being burned by the poor, downtrodden, squalor living fanatics, who believe that they are feathering their own nest in a supposed afterlife. It is no surprise that the pope has come out against it, the phrase "birds of a feather flock together" comes to mind! Its a pity that I will not be there for his uk visit (came back on wednsday), to throw some blood filled condoms at him. I strongly feel that these "religious" leaders, should examine their own lengthy records of hate speech and mongering, rather than get so indignant when the favour is returned! Sunday 29/08/10 Nearly finished the Christopher Hitchens book. A lot of it is very tough reading, appealing only to the very well read. What I liked are the personal insights and anecdotes that he offers. It was the reason I joined the library, but I think once I finish it I wont be attempting another such book for quite some time. In direct contradiction to the religious views of Christopher Hitchens. I have started a book on Doris Stokes, the famed English medium. You can't dismiss it all as clap trap, but I remember going to one medium in Kildare, who was very proud of her accomplishments yet couldn't answer my simple question of what these spirits do all day ( apart from moving furniture and generally making a nuisance of themselves). I think I would have to agree with Christopher Hitchens when he says that any conception of a non stop party in the after life, palls when you consider that its never going to end. Even if there was a loved one you'd really love to meet, would you not got tired of each others company after a few thousand years, which in the face of eternity is nothing. There is a huge market for the paranormal, my fear is that the gullable and desperate would be taken advantage of. These mediums and apparitions never really come up with any practical useful stuff, no fore warning of tsunami's or natural disasters, so I think I'd have to err on the sceptical side ! Monday 23/8/10 Journey cut short, Options and choices exhausted, Spluttered and carried to the halfway line, Always managed to evade, The noose of dependency and idle days, Gap between us and them was forever shortening, Now bearing the imprinted sneering marks, Of time caught up, Twice a child, never really an adult, Stargate, infinity, divine origin, Liberating shock of omnipresence, What comfort?, Thoughtful words for thoughtless people, Too much of it is more fearful than too little, Time is wrongly distributed. Wednsday 18/8/10: Went to the dinosaur exhibition on monday at the Ambassador. How anyone can believe in creationism or to think that anything of importance happened a few thousand years ago is just beyond me, and absolutely tramples on logic. To think of the earth teeming with these huge creatures 250 million years ago, says to me that there is a vast period that we know absolutely nothing about, and we use jesus and his like to try and fill in the gap. Am reading "Hitch 22" and "Surprised by Joy" by michael meegan. I hate the word "charity", and all that it implies. Socially just would be a far better descriptive. It should never be considered acceptable that people lead harrowing lives, ending them being ravaged by intestinal worms and thirst etc. I know a lot of the clinics are run by religious, but surey church beliefs play a large part in contributing to this sadly vicious circle. Look at all the millions in donations that mother teresa' order gets, and yet the concentration style layout of her houses in calcutta never changed. I realise there are completely opposing ideologies at work, and therein lies the gaping problem. Tuesday 10/8/10: Glad you're not suffering anymore Stuart Mangan! I saw most of the documentary about the young irish guy in london, who became paralysed from the neck down, following a rugby accident. It just backs up what I fervently believe: that people should be more concerned with "livng" too long, rather than dying too young. What an accomplished guy he was, and the proud owner of a six pack and looks to match, which would disintegrate into a keg and double chin soon after. I bow down at his feet! Only in the last few years, am I coming close to his level of existence, and it stinks...........in every way. The programme was quite slanted though. I could see the cult pictures over his bed, and his communion pic's. I think if he didn't have such good friend's and family, and monied access to 24 hour care in his own lovely apartment, he would have been singing a very different tune. I am going to london myself in september, and was resolving to meet up with him, when it said that ten days aftr the documentary wound up, that he got a fatal infection. How would his spirit's be after a couple of years of that dependant existence, or if his finances had dried up? Life is precious............but certainly not always! Saw most Monday 26/7/10: "Pro Life" indeed! I was meant to be attending a pro choice demonstration in the WRC on Upper Dorset Street, but country bumpkin that I am, couldn't find them. Its an issue that I feel very strongly about. For me choices are central, and I have to question just what kind of life these "pro life" people are supposedly for. I think its a huge misnommer. They should be more accurately described as anti choice people. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we lived in a world, where every child was going to be born into an expectant and loving family, but unfortunately this is not the case, and I can see the gnarled hands of the conservative cult members at work. As a male, I will never remotely be in that precarious situation, but I know what its like in some small way not to have control over your body, and these same conservatives are blocking stem cell research. Lets have more focus on the actual living rather than the potential living. I think their protest was successful. This WRC was allegedly masaquerading as a choice giving centre, but in reality they wanted to totally dissuade the women from having an abortion, and tried to brain wash them by giving out graphic imagaes and horror stories. Another really galling thing, is that these same conservatives who try and force the women into going through with the pregnancy, then perpetuate a stigma and condescending attitude towards single mothers. To me , that's hyprocacy in action. I have asked them to keep me in mind for the next protest , and hopefully with the aid of google maps, I will be there. But it was nice to be in the city centre anyway. Chapters bookshop rules ! Tuesday 20/7/10: Saw that programme on apparitions yesterday. Why does it fulfill some people, if they can see jesus on a cloud? As for mary, she never seems to say anything relevant, no predictions of tsunami, or any other life saving tip off. These fools who stare at the spinning sun, obviously have way too much time on their hands, and should be calling into their lonely neighbours, or assisting someone struggle through the day in their nearest rehab centre, rather than bombing off to the other end of the country, to the scheduled appearance of a moving rock. More focus on this world, I say! Don't get me started on burqha's! I think that british politician is totally right. What exactly is the difference between a burqha and a balaclava? Its depressing when the woman tries to justify her cage cloth, dumbly saying "its because our precious bodies are .for our husbands eyes only". Well, what if all the men around you are gay, or what if you're an ugly crone? A straight guy isn't going to lose his mind at the merest sight of your flesh, in fact they might be insisting that you cover up as much as possible! My 1,000 word assignment essay for suzanne Brothert Beck puffed out his chest with a contented heave. A respected elder, who could trace his lineage all the way back to the, personal physician of joseph smith no less, he had all the outward trappings of growth and success. Or at least that was the image he tried to convey. Inside he was no longer filled with the arrogant certainty of his beliefs. Some of the derisions made against the mormon prophet, sneers about the hill of Gomorrah, magic protective underwear and bringing down spirit children, were beginning to create yearning cracks in his spiritual armour, that was when the door was opened for them of course. He left his immaculately furbished detached suburban retreat, with his freshly ironed black tie, and neated partitioned hair, admiring the rose bushes which encircled his front lawn, emanating a dignified smell, which accompanied him to his gleaming Chrysler jeep. The crunch of gravel, and whirling sounds of feasting bees, were a delight to his senses, on this cloudless tantalising morning. As he rolled out of his driveway, en route to a meeting with his chapter’s bishop, he passed his plump, neighbour, with the fixed smile, already out walking her impatient dog. He knew that for him, the clouds were gathering. Sam, his only son had shattered all their hearts by admitting that the restorative therapy, and all the fasting hikes in the golden, haunted canyons of Utah had not worked, and that he was still attracted to men. He could not stomach what his religion decreed, that homosexuality was a learned chosen behaviour, possibly the result of a domineering mother, and absence of a suitably masculine influence. He knew, in the deepest recesses of his spirit, that this wàs patently untrue. Indeed, the walls of his house vibrated with the joyful memories of many of their camping trips, and baseball games. He hugged the steering wheel, and the tired reflection which stared back at him, was a shocking display of genealogy gone wrong. The weighed down under eye bags of his mother, and restricted ample jowels of his father sneered back at him, reminding him how much he had let himself go in the last few months. As he neared the imposing temple ,and adjoining bishop’s residence, a piece which he had seen on 20/20 returned to the forefront of his mind. Just why exactly was not a trace of a cross, to be found in a mormon temple? Surely such a basic symbol of compassion, was ominous in its absence. The white washed temple stood imperiously amidst lush green sweeping lawns, which defied the surrounding landscape. Solemn faced security guards, faced off with a large number of whistle blowing protestors, with the eight foot tall security gates, which encircled the compound acting as an unwilling intermediary. From time to time, they were rattled by the crowd angry at the passing of proposition 8, whose opposition had largely been galvanised by his fellow brethren. Their anger fuelled adrenaline was more than apparent, spewing out of mouths, and gushing through the arms, which raised pointed accusatory placards. He saw in each of these guys, a reflected image of his son, alongside the loneliness and derision which awaited him through the years, shadowing him constantly, only too eager to sabotage his life choices. Could it be, that sexuality was more genetic than learned? At what stage did someone "learn" to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex? Was it possible that he could only be happy and fulfilled if he subjugated himself, and kow towed before the altar of joseph smith and his thirteen wives? "Adam & Eve NOT Steve" floated past his mind in giant lettering, like a well rehearsed retort. He realised then and there, that from his earliest years, he had been programmed in such a way, that deviations from the given, immutable blueprint of life and living, would never be tolerated. For all his life, he had been taught that there were two paths, but only one of which led to certifiable contentment, the mormon way or the highway. He could not reconcile the notion of a loving heavenly father, and the son that was supposed to be made in his image and likeness. His present forty five year old mind, was in open rebellion, with his established indoctrinations. He was keenly aware that his wife and family were waiting on him to act, and provide some direction for them to follow behind. All answers lay within himself, he now could clearly see. Moving silently through the demonstrators, he loosened his tie under the scrutiny of the midday sun. His ears burned with some of the things he heard. What was even more troubling to him, was that he found himself agreeing with them. The reality was that as it stood now, without legal protection ,a biological family which had rejected or shunned their gay son or daughter, and had had no contact with them since, would legally be considered next of kin, and would be afforded more legal credence, than the committed life partner, who just happened to have the same body parts. A lot of car honking, conveyed the agreeable sentiments of others. How could they just be dismissed as hell bound apostates? The age and gender mixture of the crowd surprised him. Floral patterned suburbia mixed effortlessly with tanned well dressed twenty and thirtysomethings. Not an upside down crucifix, leather jockstrap or pierced nose in sight. He needed to devote some serious effort to expanding his mind, and the limitations he had put on it. That would entail a serious leap on his part, from the safety of proscribed rights and wrongs, to the volatile and malleable waters of openness and acceptance. He looked down at his ticking watch, and nervously called the bishop’s office. "I’m afraid I have to cancel my two o’ clock meeting, and I have no desire toa reschedule". He was fully aware of all that lay before him. Time stood still. Wednsday
7/6/10: I am flabbergasted by my friends talent. These pictures are his originals. And to think he works as a panel beater! There is something very picasso esqe about the first. He is south african, which explains the second. Would love to have a fraction of your talent Luis!| Just listening to the saga over the brother's of charity, being forced (supposedly) to cut back on respite hours, because of the cuts by the HSE. Why is noone marching to these brothers doors, and asking just how they can plead poverty, when they are part of one of the wealthiest organizations on the planet. Terrible to see all the heroic human dogs, having their little bit of dignity shattered, with news of their double incontinency being blasted out on TV3. Desperate measures no doubt! 
Monday 28/6/10: Its a dog's life! My four legged friend got very sick over the last couple of days. Piles of diarrhoea and personality changes(not interested in chasing the cats around) indicated that something serious was wrong. As much as I adore this dog, and he has been responsible for a lot of good memories, i couldn't help but feel how dogs are treated much better than humans. The internet led us to suspect that bowel cancer could be the culprit. So the reality is for any pet, with any sort of caring owner, long illness would never be on the cards. Why is there more humane options permitted for dogs than for humans?. Humans are expected to go through whatever pain or bleakness, totally stripped of choice, because of the belief that they somehow have a divine destiny. This is absolutely barbaric, and I will never stop saying so, and fighting for change. By the way the dog is totally back to his old self now.Saturday 26/6/10: Pride!
Fulfilled a long overlooked ambition, and went to applaud those taking part in Dublin Pride. The energy was palpable, and it is way overdue for the religious fascists to be put in their place. Love is love whether its between two men or two women! There are very few asexuals around (if any), and from my perspective, I say if your body works,squeeze as much pleasure out of it as you can! There are still too many homophobia related suicides, and inequalities to be complacent about. There is still a huge, religion inspired, fear of sexuality, as if the only way to get through the magical pearly gates, is with an unused sac, or having led a deceptive life. Diversity rules, and anyone who disagrees should be impaled on a two foot long dildo! What's so good about celibacy anyway? If there's such a thing as reincarnation, I'm coming back as a male prostitute! Wednsday 16\6\10: One finger down! Captured time:
No its not a crazy dance, Wish it were a confident prance, Tripped over dog leads, owners nostrils flare, Save it hag, for somebody who cares. Don’t need your pity or tragic stares, Just some mushrooms and a pipe that glares, The wisps of smoke launch into the air, With a practice so common, and a disease so rare. Racing to church they almost push you aside, Unaware that their god is deep inside. To be seen in the weak smouldering embers of spirit, The minds that are fading, and the pelvis’ that pivot. Issues dealt abstractedly by gents that are well clothed and fed, Don’t mind me, I’ve just fallen out of bed. I know a lot are bored and smelly, Living lives lower than a snakes belly. Where does it end, “this life be over soon”, The nuts who say that deserve at least a verbal harpoon. More effort and focus on this world, I say, ‘cause death is everlasting, and we only have today. Sunday 13/6/10; Had a very interesting time on Friday. Went to the official opening of Newbridge Cheshire Home. The little talk I gave is printed below, and I hope soon to upload the video to here. I have to go into Naas Hospital tomorrow. I dropped a weight on my finger 3 weeks ago, and not being a hospital person, I avoided doing anything about it for as long as possible. But a week of restless nights and inability to grip brought me to the hospital. After it was x-rayed they told me the tip of the finger is certainly fractured. I think I have been lucky not to have broken any bones before. They say a fracture is worse than a break and as the finger is not healing in the correct alignment and is still sore to the touch, I better do something about it . (Update: Turns out, after a morning of waiting, that I badly fractured my little finger: guess I won’t be using the medicine ball again any time soon). Here is a little clip of me on Friday, with the full text printed below. My voice remained okay, but my eyeballs were shaking so much, I could barely focus on the text, and was just thankful that I had almost memorized it in advance! " For me, and I know many others, Cheshire newbridge is a veritable nugget in the often very bleak and monotonous, world of caring. I first used this facility in February of 2008, when my mother got very ill and as there are only the two of us at home, we had a real dilemma on our hands. So it was either, be helped out at home sporadically by well intentioned friends and family, enter residential care (kicking & screaming) or avail of this new "Cheshire Home" in new bridge. The very idea of a "home" flooded my mind with pictures of a dark serious institutionalized place with supper at 7, and then bedtime at 8 (following prayers to Yahweh perhaps). Very thankfully the experience did not live up to that Dickensian image. Quickly I came to be grateful for the progressive, and client centred approach by jarlath, and the rest of the staff here. Whether it’s a lively chat at the kitchen table, or doing your own thing in your own apartment sized room, you call the shots here, rather than feeling like a prisoner in a boot camp. For myself ( and many others I’m sure) this place is a refuge and source of lively diversion, from the repetitive and wallpaper scrutinizing days , which some disabilities certainly can bring. Even as a source of combating or alleviating loneliness, it comes up trumps. This place does not seem to facilitate silence or introversion very well. There are close to 161,000 carer’s in Ireland, silently toiling away, often under conditions which no paid worker would tolerate, saving the state a fortune in the process. This is a love fuelled vocation, a desire not to have to place your loved one in one of the older model homes, seeing them intermittently, alongside all the upheaval involved in taking a fish out of water. Their everyday quiet unsung deeds, are true examples of the power of love in action, but even the sturdiest of wells can run dry, which is why a place like this is such a lifeline. Personally, I find it appalling that in the year 2010, we still live under a stained statute book, that robs people of life choices, and confuses living with existing. Hopefully, this blinkered viewpoint, which we all now have no choice but to accept, will give way to a more enlightened compassionate view, but Cheshire newbridge is certainly in the business of enhancing numerous people’s quality of living, and long may it continue to do!" (The flash video cuts out as I am only on the trial software. Now that I know it works, I might buy it Having video adds a better dimension to the site methinks). Tuesday 1/6/10 : Good news at the gym. Through a lot of trial and error, some of the exercises I’ve been doing for my forearm and wrist (thanks to a tip from one of the instructors in naas) has been paying delicious dividends of late. Pushing and transfers are easier, and even my handwriting, which I had given up on dejectedly, has made a welcome resurgence. Dependancy, in any form is terrible, but when you have difficulty even signing your own name, or deciphering your own scrawl, it opens up a labyrinth of inferred prognosis, and self confidence demolishing internal dialogue. I truly marvel at people who have are in an even worse physical state. Well, unfortunately, we are the choiceless ( and often voiceless) captives of a cult shaped statute book, so you should be supposedly contented with your dog tricks. I never thought I would be very excited at thirty five years of age, to be able to write with joined up handwriting again. Still dying to get away, but the pròspects are few and costly. Doing a writing course, all thanks to the internet. Reading Rupert Everett’s brilliantly written autobiography, washed down with "Triumph of Hope", which is a holocaust memoir, and a look at how far we can sink and soar as humans. Someone annoyingly asked me if I was a "fighter". I certainly haven’t given up, but the reality is that there is a vast surplus of able efficient people, with cars at the ready, with nice strong cores, who do not have to be strapped into a wheelchair, for fear of falling out. Compared to them, I suffer no delusions about my unemployability. Yes, the mind is still strong, and open to any well paying net based job! Thursday 20/5/10 Since last October, I have wanted to write more candidly on this site. I love the power of words in general. How well constructed sentences can convey so much, and touch or inspire others. I don’t see the point in censoring your writing for fear of offending someone else. Candid writing from the heart, is often overwhelmed and subjugated by fear, fear of offending others especially. Honesty is often fear’s first victim. Truth is, I am absolutely terrified of exposing myself. I am signing up to the writer’s village online courses, as the old brain cells are starting to stagnate and atrophy. I have all the time in the world now, yet still not enough, crazy as that sounds. On a shallower note, have managed to get tickets for lady gaga and cirque de soleil. Went to see two plays in temple bar last Saturday under dublin gay festival. One was good,I'll tell it tomorrow,a one man dutch show,but the other one (woodies)b went completely over my head. Now that uci tallaght is gone, I need some other diversion. Here is a poem by Maya Angelou, called "Still I Rise" You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I’ll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? ‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I’ll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders hanging down like raindrops, Weakened by my soulful cries. Does my haughtiness offend you? Don’t you take it awful hard, ‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got goldmines Diggin’ in my own back yard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it take you by surprise, That I dance like I’ve got diamonds, At the meeting of my thighs. Out of the huts of history’s shame I rise, Up from a past that’s rooted in shame I rise, I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise. Thursday 13/5/10: Maybe its just as well that I haven't a holiday booked, as I think I'd have a breakdown if I lost money due to the volcanic ash. You probably wouldn't be able to proprly enjoy your hol if you had the thought of being stranded hovering. Should have my new laptop back soon, thankfully! Imagined fantasy, enforced realities, Life giving virgins, anathema, Desert itinerants to revered leaders, Changing tide must be allowed unfettered, A better world is calling, From my god to yours. -------------------------------------------------------------------- All encompassing, ever present, Life viewed and shaped through FA, Supported, guarded, chaperoned, worse to come, Sexless, lifeless, Balancing internal and external masks, Very often one not fitting the other, Wet grass, bare feet, toe heel, Forced into a world not of my making or choosing, Bedroom, studied wallpaper, empty roads, saviour sky, Attempted normality, haughty arrogance, Fruitless courses, meaningless letters, Tortuous tomorrow’s that keep on coming, Ungrateful am I? To whom exactly? Human spirit is to be marvelled at, Down but never out. --------------------------------------------------- Monday 10/5/10: " Simon, you're going to be arrested",the well heeled woman shrieked as her obnoxious partner was forcibly ejected from the show. He had obviously spent the entire intermission at the bar, and was just spoiling for a fight, by the time the curtains raised on part two. From the get go, he started a commentary on everything, and any rebuffs were met by "sshhh yourself". When the gaiety staff intervened, they were met with an agitated "get your hands off me, get your fucking hands off me, show me your identification". Then the intercom announced " ladies and gentlemen, due to a disruption in the audience, the play will be stopped". The cast were brought offstage, but to the gaiety' credit, the man ( whose clipped D4 voice, betrayed no signs of being seriously sloshed) was ejected, accompanied by the applause of a few, and the (no doubt) relief of many. The main show was of course great, with seamless sets which brought the story to life. We managed to get the wheelchair parking space outside stephan's green, which was very handy. Traffic was great, and we were back in bumpkinland by half eleven. Friday (just 12.07am): O2 is so slow compared to 3. Its like the bad ol' days of dial up, when you might as well do as many other things, as you can think of, in order to simply put in the time. Lets just say its a half hour video, and even though I am in my uncomfortable second hour of downloading, I have only managed to download 10% of it. Maybe its a good "job" that I am unemployable, so there are no early morning committments. Saw some of the O2 ability awards, and it provoked a few contentious buttons. An occupational therapist really broke the camals back for me, innocently delivering her no doubt, well rehearsed speel, about how I could use a shower chair. Bear in mind, I now have pathetic core muscles, and the possibility of coming onto cold tiles face force, and torpedo like, is a distinct possibility. Disability is a HUGE umbrella term. I have no idea what its like to be deaf, amputee, paralysed (getting there though) or intellectually disabled (although I do give that impression with my poor speech and uncoordinated movements). When you see someone in a wheelchair, the question which should come to your mind, is just why they are in that damned mobile throne! Looking at the botched uk elections, and this was meant to be the high definition election. Pity that technology didn't transfer to the actual voting collections. If anyone knows any personal assistant groups here or in the uk, please let me know!
One day in late april’’87 ; I just spent the last seven excruciating weeks at home. The day was loosely scheduled around the gerry ryan show (morning radio programme), this kip is a no phone zone, so I haven’t seen or heard from anyone since that time. Too embarrassed to be seen staggering around like a drunken fool. But forget about that detail, the danger even of zig zagging across a busy road has proven too much. So, I rallied (or snapped depending on how you look at it) today, decided that my walkng wasn’t so bad. Am practicing a new way of walking: lift right foot and come down with the heel, but keep left foot as flat and unmoving as possible. As bizarre as it sounds, it appears to be working, or maybe its all just psychosomatic, and I sure as hell know how powerful that connection can be. I have thankfully spent half of those weeks, conked out in bed, and sweating profusely. When I stagger in, relieved to be away from the monotony of home, things are noticeably different. New friendships have been forged, and even seating arrangements have changed. Paddy F****e is in my long held seat, and they wear a look of inconvenience as they shuffle back to their previous lineup. At break, I’m talking to Tara E*****t, and she tells me that recently, they had elections for prefects for next year, and that both she and Imelda L**b voted for me. I could cry! It is one of the nicest things I have ever heard. The pace is too quick here, as the bell sounds and I watch everyone disappear in different directions, confidently with their piled up books or groaning bags. My legs are letting me down again. Perhaps I should have listened to mother’s warning that I had just spent the last two weeks in bed, and I wouldn’t be able for it. The corridors are eerily empty now. Reverberating silence is the very last thing I expected from today, and I am distinctly unprepared for it. I certainly can’t stagger into class now, late, and with all scrutinizing eyes totally focused on the latecomer. So I head around the square shaped building, until I pull myself up onto a desk, forgetting that it was near the principal’s office, and attempting to mentally gauge when the class will be over, and noisy life will return. Eyes studying the ground, mind busily hovering. This day had not lived up to expectations at all. "Eric, I think we need to talk" said Sister Joan, standing before me in the corridor. It surely wasn’t just the words, or the tone with which they were conveyed, but they did the job of opening this tidal wave of emotion. I followed her into her very modern, and organised to perfection office, knocking off her pen holder in the process. This Cambridge educated head nun, with the icy reputation was at an uncomfortable loss, at the sight of this shaking, red faced pre pubescent in her midst. She said that she would reorganise the class timetable, so instead of trekking to individual homerooms, that the scenario would be reversed, and that the teachers would come to me, "I wish I’d been born paralysed" I angrily blubbed, thinking that you never miss what you never had, and that surely it was infinitely better than watching your abilities slowly float down the tubes. "No, at least you’ve had the feeling of sand between your feet. We never get what we want". As she moved from behind her desk, to the comforting reassurance of taking a seat beside me, she calmly went on telling me of her aunt and personal stories, which I deeply appreciated, and dispelled a lot of the stories I had heard about her. I’d never met or spoken to her before. She had taken sabbatical to chile in my first year, but her reputation had definitely preceeded her, even though I was not seeing any of the much trumpeted negatives. The reorganizing of the timetable did work for a time, my classmates being especially happy at the convenience of it all, with no blatant attempts (at least not within my earshot), to discover just what had prompted this energy saving turn of events As it happened, by this stage we were nearing the end of the school year, and the start of yet another monotonous and painfully long summer break dangled gloomily overhead. That summer marked even more physical decline, ruling walking out of the question. I could no longer put off finally giving in to the permanence of a wheelchair, and it was not until an intervention by a teacher (who had himself polio) and some friends, that I went back. I didn’t wheel back to secondary school until October of sixth year. It was both the last hurrah for our year, and a deciding year for our futures. Once the initial strain of curiosity wore off, I was back in the engaging fullness and thickness of student life. I often think of those classmates, even though they are now long scattered by life. I wonder did they appreciate just how emotionally intelligent they were, and how I benefited luckily from them. Monday 3/5/10: Went to the city centre on saturday , with the intention of making it out to donnybrook, to sign the book of condolence for gerry ryan, but the weather conspired against us, and the prospect of sloshing around in a queue for hours, dissipated the genuine feeling I had, and so I beat a hasty retreat to liffey valley. He's left irreplaceable shoes alright, but he probably fit more living into a week, than most of us do in a lifetime. The world keeps turning relentlessly on, but it stopped for a bit last friday. The newer laptop is off for repair, and I am stuck with the older one, with the insanely neurotic mouse, which jumps all over the place. Thanks to the net, I found a setting which has calmed things down an awful lot, which is just as well, as I was getting close to throwing this jelopy out the window. The pc support people are way too quick, to diagnose the culprit as a virus, and to recommend you to restore everything to factory settings. I have everything backed up, but do not relish having to re-install every single program. Weather is shit. I am reading a book on creative writing, and the author refers to the "sumptuous luxuries of solitude". Maybe in small doses, otherwise its a pain in the ass, literally! Going to the shawshank redemption play in the gaiety this saturday. Never been there before. Sunday 24/04/10 : Ricky Gervais did live up to expectatiopns. With the new tunnel we flew up to the O2 in fifty minutes. The 02 is a great venue, almost impossible to have a bad seat. Even though it annoys me , no mattter how hungry I am, when i have to pay rip off prices for food and drink. You really have to wonder sometimes if there is sucevh a deep recession going on. The 02 was jammed packed, with the average age being mid-twenties. I am not a die hard fan, and never got into The Office, but there is something very likeable about Ricky Gervais. I have more of a problem with his support act. His opening jokes seem to be directed at spastics etc. I do think that there are certain topics that are completely un touchable, and cannot be made funny, no matter how they are approached. I do believe in the gentle power of humour, to diffuse a situation, by taking the micky out of something. Ricky seems to have a better grasp of the situation, so when he referred to Susan Boyle as a mong, you knew that it wasn't meant to be a sweeping insult to anyone with down's syndrome. But his supporting act was a different story altogether. Perhaps it was because those jokes he made were at the very beginning, and it completely soured me towards him, even though lots of his act was very witty. Ricky was a great pains to tell us that because of the airline problems , he refused to cancel, and instead opted for a twelve thousand pounds helicopter ride. The show was called Science, and is certainly anticreationist. I think he is an intelligent guy, and his remarks about the No vote for proposition 8 in California, were very insightful. California is meant to be the mecca of liberalism, and to think that they want to oppose people, who want to be committed lifelong partners defies belief. As he says, what they were basically saying was, if you want to have casual fun California has no problem with that, but they do have a problem with gays daring to emulate straight people's life courses. He was on stage for an hour and twenty minutes, and I could'nt help but think, that he could well afford trip back. As we were leaving the O2, a guy in a wheelchair, complete with a puppy on his lap was shaking his bucket collecting for a good cause. This is how negative stereotypes persist! It is irrelevant what he was collecting for, all that will be remembered by the young people racing past him, scoffing burgers and discussing the show, is the image of a guy in a wheelchair with a begging bucket. Talk about letting the side down! Friday 23/4/10: Looking forward to seeing ricky gervaisth tonight. Fuck knows, I need a laug and welcome change of scenary. Trying to write, but when it comes to anything even remotely personal, I'm like a mule, and will come up with any excuse not to pound those keypads. Finally reading "The god Squad" by paddy doyle after of wanting to! Monday 12/4/10: Summer's a comin'! Nice to see the longer days, with the brighter weather (sort of). I am amazed at how some people can call themselves architects. Went to see the "remember me" film in uci newbridge, and it is just not worth the sheer discomfort and pain, of being at the front staring up at a screen. My neck was in bits, and to think that I paid for that dubious priviledge. Tried chinese massage in the square, and won't be in a hurry to go back. A bit of rubbing of the legs by a cranky and sour faced "doctor" who rubbed a lotion in which was probably made from some poor animals penis, all the while staring resolutely at his watch. Was feeling bad for a rocking beggar I saw on the streets of newbridge, but I was told he was part of a gypsy begging group, which quickly changed my mind. Still, we are quick enough to shell out for lotto tickets etc......... Easter Sunday April 4th I think at this time of the year ,there is a lot of fuss about nothing. Wouldn’t it be a great thing, if all of us mere mortals, were constantly lauded for a few hours of suffering, a long time ago. I personally find it very insulting, and cannot believe why, or how, so many people feel that this occurrence is to be venerated above all others. I can understand the anger towards the church here in Ireland. I do feel sad for the majority of priests and nuns, who I genuinely believe are great people. The nuns of The Cross and Passion, were outstanding on so many levels to me. For me it is obvious, that what people refer to as the glory days of the church, were a complete fallacy. Sure the convents and monasteries were jammed packed, but in hindsight we can see that a lot of the people in them had no more compassion or sense of God, than the most vicious dog on the street. It is too little too late, to introduce strict screening procedures now, so that these abuses never happen again. If you were in any way attracted to children, being especially a priest of the Roman Church would be the very LAST thing you would want to be associated with. All of this goes back to the days when the church had absolute control, and as we know, absolute power corrupts absolutely ! Went to the Grand Canal Theatre last Sunday to see the SHEN YUN Chinese performing arts troop. Its a fantastic place and they have transformed the docklands, but there are no wheelchair parking spaces to be seen. Hoping to do a writing course, and still absolutely dying to organize a holiday somewhere . Hope it happens sooner rather than later. I signed up with Three Broadband. We come under The Nation Broadband Scheme, and I have to say that the signal booster that you get with it certainly does amplify it, although at the moment, I cannot truthfully say that it is infinitely faster than O2. My one compalint about three, is that they have all their customer support teams outsourced to India, and somethimes its very hard for me to get my point across. The O2 customer support based in Limerick are great in comparison Thursday 18/3/10: Niggers, Bastards & Handicapped! Was asked by someone recently, who has been very good to me in the past, if I'd like to go to lourdes. On the second asking, I managed to squeeze out a weak " I'm not that religious lately " which was met with "it has nothing to do with religion" Errrr I think it does.......quite a lot actually. The idea of paying to look at a statue, and feign contentment in a very tacky catholic disneyland is just asking too much. I know a lot of the helper' that go claim not to be religious, and go for the fun, because there is a lot of fun to be had, but I think it is wrong to even pay lip service to this medieval charade. I have no desire to participate in the huge convoy of wheelchair users, accompanied by all the duly uniformed attendants and flag bearers. By paying quiet lip service, you are giving tacit approval to an organization which in a lot of ways is anti women and gay, and has a lot of blood on its hands, through its anti choice opposition to abortion and contraception. It boggles belief, how a couple can want the big white wedding, with their child as pageboy/girl. This is the institution which would have viewed their offspring as bastards. Has a few prayerfull words and a certificate really transformed things that much? The offer is slightly tempting, as I am dying to get away, especially to london for a few days. When you need assistance, its far from as simple as booking your flight and hotel. If not comprehensively arranged, it could very quickly become an expensive and dangerous nightmare. It seems there is no problem getting someone for an hour or two at a stretch, but after that................So if anyone has any ideas, please let me know. Saw the play "My first time" on tuesday night in the moat in naas. Have to say I enjoyed it. It covered all the bases from straight/gay/child abuse/wanking/disabled with generous splashings of humour. I thought it was a real testimony to how much this country' attitudes towards sex have changed. The audience were mostly 50+ women, which was a surprise to me. The play was done in an intelligent way, and did'nt just go for the cheap "tits and fanny" gags. Sometimes you get the impression that things have changed monumentally. Then you are forced to think again when you have so called professionals call you "handicapped" to your face. Would they call a black person a nigger? What's the difference? Personally I think its because they can get away with "handicapped" but know they would face serious consequences if they used "nigger" as a descriptive. Missed the oscars, but saw the hurt locker yesterday, and honestly failed to see what all the fuss was about. Avatar certainly got my vote, but maybe the hurt locker was more politically appealing to the academy? Paddy's day was a non event again. Weather is still clinging onto winter, and it certainly was not the hottest day of the year so far down here anyway. Whose life is it anyway? (opening scene, bed on hospital ward, gary in bed. He's after being in a bad car crash 2 months ago and is totally paralysed from the waist down. Nurse Rose flutters in) Rose: Well did you lay an egg for me? Gary: (sombre monotone) You know a month ago, I would have been mortified beyond belief if someone had have asked me that. Sometimes I wonder "how low can I go, what new degradations and insults does today have to offer?" Rose: Oh give me a break. There are plenty of people far worse off than you. (She recoils as she inhales his bed sheets odor) " you'll need new bedsheets I think” Gary: why do you do that? (imitating her voice) "There's always someone worse off". That's dismissive insulting claptrap. And surely there's something wrong with trying to bolster YOURSELF up by drawing on the misfortunes of others? The fact that there ARE other people in worse circumstance, doesn't impact on ME and on what I’M going through7 Rose: (bubbily)Well tomorrow is another day, so why don't you turn that frown upside down? Gary: Because I should be out their LIVING, laughing and fucking! Don't get me wrong I'm fully aware that life has plenty of bumps and twists, but thats all part of LIVING. If a cat or a dog got really sick, the owners would be prosecuted if they didn't bring it to the vet. Yet I'm supposed to live on in this life of forced humiliating dependancy. Bags,bedpans, hoists.......... I'm done with them! Rose: There will always be sickness and accidents dear! Gary: If this happened to one of your kids would you just accept it. And if you say yes, let me say that’s a selfish thing for you to do. To impose your views and dictats on someone else. To expect them to merely punch in their lives aimlessly, and without any purpose. Believe in life for sure, but not in “life” at all costs! To live on in whatever shit condition cannot be the only and holiest option. Rose: (jubilantly)But our lord suffered, in terrible pain, so you could have eternal life! Gary: You're missing the point that it was only for a few HOURS! Not laborious hours into days, weeks, months............ a l-if-e-t-im-e Gary sniffles and rolls his head over into a fitful sleep. Stage goes dark, hospital machine flatlining rings out. May god forgive me for what I have done. His painful moans were just too piercing for me during the night. They reached some dark part of me that’s for sure and I gave him far too much pain relief meds. How could I have done such a thing, to facilitate him leaving this life on his own terms! I always considered myself as a promoter and defender of life, but just what kind of life am I defending? (Opposite end of the stage light falls on gary’s dad, reading aloud from a letter he is penning to a national paper) Light at opposite end of stage again falls on rose: “Just what was I thinking? If we mere mortals go down this road, we’ll soon be witnessing busloads of grannies and poor unfortunates, being forcibly euthanised against their will by unscrupulous relatived. Maybe he was just having a rough patch. He could have had a good life, I heard that local rehab centre just won awards for their pottery making and flower arranging” Light falls on tom still reading from his letter: “No one has the moral authority to assess another person’s quality of life, but when the affected individual themselves make a decision, and it is unilaterally ignored, then surely there is something very wrong with this picture. Gary was a college rugby player, who was playing the field in more ways than one, as we always encouraged him to do. Thankfully we have the financial resources to have brought him to switzerland, but surely there is something wrong with struggling to find a solution like this in a cold foreign country, whose language you don’t even speak! Is a deathly two tier system going to emerge, whereby this is only an option for the monied few,and the rest can exist on in their own filth indefinitely? I am not one bit ashamed to say I'm glad gary is gone. What some people call living just defies belief. Life is precious............but not all of the time. I call on the well meaning people of this country to not defensively dismiss this option, or to produce fear inducing stories of people who are just having a bad day being involuntarily and nonchalantly euthanized. Rose: I think back to my dad, god rest his soul, and of how my mother devoted her life to him, even when dementia transformed him into a poker wielding madman. None of us could leave our own young families, to assist him. That nightmare humdrum went on for four long years before our good lord called bim home, and mammy nnot long after that Rose collapses She awakes in a hospital bed, unable to speak. Dr O’Mahony (gary’s dad) addresses her: “it appears mrs boyle that you have had a stroke. You will regain control of your speech and left side over time. Fortunately your son found you just in time or the prognosis would have been a lot worse.
Nurse Ann flutters around: We’ll have you up and about in no time. There’s a great rehab clinic not too far from here where you can do flower arranging and potter while you’re getting better.
The best cinema for wheelchair users around is biting the dust. Suppose I have to get used to staring at the screen from the front. Its obvious that these so called architects only think of access as an after thought. For chair usrs, uci tallaght always offered the best seats in the house; back centre, and will be sorely missed! Apparently the landlord's wanted higher rental rates which defies belief. You'd think tha they would be happy to have a reliable tenant at all, in this day and age. I have noticed that not a lot of people go to the cinema any more. Often there would only be a smattering. I think the square is going to be the biggest loser. Not much point going there if there is no cinema. Plan B is VUE in liffey valley, still at the front, but bearable. As you can see, I am back to wearing glasses. When I lost the job in october, I was at home all day staring at the laptop. Maybe that's the definitive culprit, or just a natural untimely decline (I got 8 years of perfect vision out of lasik after all) I am only -1 in each eye,but I detest glasses with a passion, the way they fog up when you're drinking tea, and always get lost just when you need them. Apparetly I am a candidate for lasek, but my gp is reluctant to sign the consent letter. Besdes whats the point of having the surgery (2900 euro) if I am going to have them decline again with the heavy lapto use, which is a given. Decisions, decisions!
Sunday 21/2/10: Am never going to complain about the cold again. Am looking out this am at another winter wonderland scene, that I'd far prefer were confined to a book. Have alredy endured one week, of being snowbound. And to think some people still dismiss global warming? Went to see "The Lovely Bones" yesterday. Luckily I had listened to the audio bood and knew the story. Audio book' are great. Its a very hard film to translate to the big screen, but seoirse rowan is great. Then it was on to the Titanic exhibition out in citywest, which was fascinating. I got a great doctored picture at the ship's grand staircase that I will put up soon. Monday 8/2/10: Fair’s fair! Went to see invictus on Saturday in liffey valley. The wheelchair spaces are up at the front, but there is sufficient space between the front and the screen that you aren’t straining your neck out of its sockets. The film, or at least the bits that I could see and hear, was ok. A little bit hollywoody. I really don’t think the problems of south Africa, were at all suspended or eased by the winning of a rugby match. I know that’s simplistic, but was the racial divide that alleviated as a result? Anyway I digress. My main issue was when a guy ( I presume he was an assistant) came in with two guys, one who was quiet, but the other groaned and growled loudly through the film, eventually being brought out towards the end of the film. I thought it was very unfair, and my anger would be directed at the assistant, who obviously just wanted to punch in time, and get to see a movie for free. I presume it wasn’t for the intellectually disabled guys benefit, as he spent his time on the sound effects, slurping on his drink and depositing popcorn on the floor. My rights to see a film, do not supercede everyelse’s who have paid good money to see the film in peace. If they had been, a noisy young pack, the ushers would have been obliged to throw them out, or if he had tourette’. Unfortunately, we all come under this huge umbrella of disability. I no longer bring in popcorn or a drink to the cinema, as I eat too noisily and have a spasmic reaction to sudden noises(as one guy in tallaght found out to his cost years ago).If there comes a time where I can’t eat or swallow, then I won’t go to a restaurant, and subject the other patron’s to that unappetizing sight. Getting a new mattress and have a visit from a physiotherapust tomorrow. How exciting!
Wednsday 3/2/10 Normality: Friend or foe Caught a glimpse of you briefly, Miss you now you’re gone, Hope I will catch you agaBefore I’m done. Its a gaping character defect, which I cannot attribute solely to fa, but I have an intense jealousy of other people’s accomplishments be they big or small. Their travels, social lives, jobs : their normalities! It seems to me at times, that even if you have made a lifetime of wrong decisions, with bad choices around partners, drugs, kids etc, that’s all part of living, and it sure beats being bed bound watching life monotonously tick past. The crazy thing about fa is because it is relatively gradual, you fight with all your might not to fall under the vast all encompassing term of physical disability (probably because once you get to that stage you are stuck there). I look back now, and it is sadly ludicrous that I considered myself normal, even when I was staggering under passing lorries, uttering things that even I couldn’t understand, or struggling with personal care issues. Badly need to broaden my social repertoire, and try different things. Need to break out of my self constructed rut. To that end, I will be making some dates with the riverbank theatre in new bridge. Bought tickets to see the Shen Yun Performing Arts troupe, when they come to the new grand canal theatre in Dublin. There seems to be a new trend of not comping a disabled person’s assistant. Thankfully I don’t have to buy two tickets at the uci cinema, as this would make the cost prohibitive. I am not using a seat, but am paying for the assistants, whether they can understand, or even abide by the film. Maybe its just the inevitable, profit maximising reality of the times we live in, but an analogy would be charging a blind person’s guide dog too. Tuesday 26/01/10: Want to clarify the overall tone of my website. I don't want my website to be seen as negativte. The overriding aim of this website, is to provide me with a forum for self expression, so that I can be in the middle of the countryside with a dilapidated body, and still feel connected with the outside world, and that someone somewhere is listening. I got a email last night from someone in Wales, that has a brother with fa. I hate to think that I am adding to any sense of hopelessness or pessimissm that someone may have, but for me this website is a form of therapy, and I am not going to sugar coat it for anyone or anything. Life is precious, people are amazing with what they endure, and I can say this until I am blue in the face. But people, especially those who believe in talking snakes and virgin births, look at it in a very narrow form, and extract from it only that which goes along with there beliefs; ie that I am a godless, bitter and twisted individual. I suppose I have been fortunate, that I have never contracted a virus on my pc before. It was only out of sheer meaness that I looked up youtube, and found a site which promised to be able to download free movies. The site called graboid.com infected my laptop with some trojan virus. So from Saturday on my laptop kept crashing but it has been a nightmare, and it just goes to show that you always need to back up all your files. To my credit, the laptop is a lot better now, but only because I've been manually going into the registry, and deleting suspect programs. This is very time consuming, and the tech support people in England quickly lose patience with me, as they can't really understand me, and wonder why it takes me so long to execute all ther instructions. I had a visit yesterday from a occuptional therapist which was the first time in around eighteen months. She only needed to take one look at me, to be aware of how bad my posture is. Given the budget constraints of the health board at the moment, I don"t think I am going to see anything materialise at the moment. She mentioned a "tilt in space wheelchair" which I had to look up on the internet, but which I must admit does look very promising. Its only really when I catch a glimpse of my reflection, that I can totally apprecieans ate how appalling my posture really is. I am now totally sloped over to the left hand side, and question now all the time I spent on youtube looking up yoga poses and other exercises that I can do. It all seems largely to have been in vain, but I suppose so much of what goes with fa means that you are taking one step forward and two steps back.Wednsday 20/1/10 I am so annoyed. Sky news are saying that a mother has been senten0ced to 9 years for ending the life of her brain dead son. What a despicable ruling. I get the foul stench of religion. Would the judge and members of the jury volunteer to change, feed and comfort him if his mother had died herself? Its very easy to pontificate about abstract issues, when you're not the one dependant on others for everything and stinking of piss! I now view people who follow the teachings of desert itinerants as mentally sick, and its frightening to think they want to shape the laws and dictate how people "live" their lives in 2010. Love katherine lynch the comedienne, but yesterday' single women wasn't great, and I hope that she is not going to run out of material, and go the same way as catherine tate,. Went to see Avatar again in liffey valley ( it just won't be the same on dvd). Whoever designed the cinema' in uci newbridge, vue liffey valley and storm cinema in naas have a hard neck if they call themselves architects. The wheelchair spaces are up at the very front, and your neck will suffer. You can't beat uci tallaght. Centre back, as it should be.
Monday 21/12/09 Virgin's can't give birth people! Imagine a heavily pregnant young woman going into a social welfare office, plopping herself down and beginning to fill out forms for the express reason to get some money to get over this time of the year.Having returned the completed forms, the middle aged obese woman, peers at her over her glasses, and her reddish jowels wobble, as she barks that the father' contact details on the form have'nt been completed. " the government can't be expected to shoulder all the father of your child's financial responcibility madam, in a tone which pulsates through the room "Oh, it was an immaculate conception", the young woman breezily responds "SECURITY!" That poor woman would be sent to the nearest psychiatric ward so fast! Sunday 29/11/09 : Joe's second anniversary Even though the weather today was so appaling we went up to our local church for Joe' anniversary mass. In some ways it feels like a life time ago, but in other ways it only feels like yesterday, as I suppose the film is constantly being replayed. The heating in the church wasn't working, and I was absolutely stiff as a board. Combine this with the fact that the mass itself is completely devoid of meaning for me now, and the end result is that I'm sure I won't be back for another long time. I only went anyway for mothers sake anyway, but I couldn't get home soon enough, and was not tha stupid to venture outside again. Someone said to me today "you must feel so sad about Joe", probably expecting a gushing responce.. My immediate response was no, they could have kept him alive, but only if they gave him a tracheaotomy, and the thought of him still in his room , without even the ability to verbalise is absolutely appaling and barbaric. Unfortuntately I know there are plenty of cases like that in Ireland today. The first thing I would say to those who proudly proclaim themselves to be "pro-life", is just exactly what kind of life do you believe in? Even though we have his grave very nicely done up at the moment with lots of little statues and flowers, I feel fairly certain that he sure aint there underneath that wet and sodden ground. Today was more or less the first day that I have stayed indoors. It would have been pointless to go somewhere anway, because a lot of the roads were completely flooded. Thankfully we live on a hill so are relatively unaffected, but I do wonder sometimes how this country does not sink. To think that large parts of the world are crying out for rain and the earth is parched and barren, I wonder does this have to be the way it is or can we not give them even a fraction of our excess, which would no doubt go a long way to solving their problems. I'm sure I'm one of the last people in the world to avail of it, but I am now enjoying the benefits of Skype. To be able to contact someone anywhere in the world, even if they do not have Skype, is fantastic. It makes the world so small, and it beggars belief how these big communication companies can get away with charging so much. My mother was totally amazed at the technology that allows her to speak to her nephews in California. 02 is continuing to save my life with their reliable broadband service. Thankfully they have now increased their allowance from 10 to 15 GB which is really more than enough. If you are downloading movies or video clips though, they takes up a lot of memory, and it is not worthwhile to go over the designated allowance, as apparently then they charge 5 cent a megabite.
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Only those who never knew what you went through towards the end, would stupidly want you back, or hang their heads in mock sorrow. No more beds of piss for youu, or dependncy on others. Thank you for being in our lives gor 25 years. The house is just that, it will never be a home again without you! 
Friday 11/11/11: It was worth going to the John Barrowman concert at the Grand Canal theatre.. I had really only gone to hear him sing 
Sunday 11/09/11 ; Came back yesterday from Killarney. It was a very long day as we had to get the five to eight direct train to Heuston, which was slowed down in Mallow because some old woman decided to have a heart attack. When we did arrive in Heuston it was another twenty minutes before the guy got down to help us to disembark.
Sunday 21/8/11: Had an okay time at the Maldron Smithfield. Trying to plan a few days inn cork and kerry for early september as a birthday treat. Go see the Glee 3D concert movie, it fantastic and I am raging that I never got to see them in Dublin in june.Got an email from a guy with FA in Beirut who says it is possible to unlock the pellvis with aqua workouts. Now if I can only find an assistant who can swim................... 
Sun 5/6/11:Thank you Jack!
Sad that this courageous man
had to sacrifice eight years of his own life in prison, not to mention all the personal attacks in order to challenge twisted notions of living. We need more people with his courage to say unapologetically that humans deserve at least the same respect and dignity as that afforded to cats and dogs. Hopefully there will be more people like him to take the step forward, and say that as regards life and death, its quality not quantity that counts! 
Educate
Together Newbridge have come a long way since their days in a jumble
of worn prefabs beside the remote rugby club near Rosetown. I was
fortunate enough to show up during break time. 
Wednesday
23/3/11: Thank you kylie for injecting a much needed shot of colour.
After a lacklustre start ( where her new songs were to blame, not
the amazing set),she really dazzled with flying routines and fountains.
Just wish people wouldn't keep standing up in front of the wheelchair
section. She has great crowd interaction skills, and one lucky brazilian
got his arm signed by her for a tattoo he wanted! Definately worth
the haul and ten euro parking!
Written in
the highly readable no nonsense style of a Yorkshire mother,"Shattered"
charts how life was turned upside down by her only son's accident,
which left him brain damaged and with no recollection of anything
he had achieved in his 25 years.
After a few
hours of insanely paced stopping, staring and starting all over
again, the little treasures would be whisked home in the family
people carrier. The resident attractions would never know such an
escape, and a new batch of fresh faced, expensively clad cash calves
would no doubt be back tomorrow. 
As
the age of religious missionaries from Ireland to Africa now becomes
extinct, Eric Doran meets one of those priests who went to change,
but who was ultimately changed by this bewitching continent.
Monday
27/12/10:Good riddance snow!
Always
have to force myself to go into the gym, and feel great when its
over, but yesterday took the proverbial biscuit. A buff looking
thirtysomething was parked in a disabled space. I think this is
despicable. He has been pumping weights, and running a threadmill
for the past hour, yet he refuses to park a bit further. The base
side of me hopes the universe answers his indirect call, and down
the line, and for whatever reason, he ends up needing a disabled
space (which he can't get because some other lazy cunt is hogging
it) Finger is healing and knitting together finally. Did my shoulder
in and couldn't go to the gym for a week. That'll teach me to lift
too much weight. Better to do less weight and more reps.
Saturday
16/1/10:I am never going to complain about the freezing cold or
rain again. I had two weeks of tortuous immobilization. Where most
of the main roads were impassable, even during the worst days. Our
narrow country roads were just treacherous. Thankfully we dont have
this every year, and to think that some people still doubt the existance
of global warming. Well I suppose we better get used to it. I am
just back from seeing Avatar for the second time. Its difficult
to explain how visually stunning it is, and don't be put off thinking
that it may just appeal to children.I am determined to go swimming
tomorrow. I've really got to disclipine myself more, and not just
fall into a lazy habit of drifting through the day eating.Found
a site by athiest ireland about opting out of the catholic church.
The recent blasphemy laws here has goaded me into this. To think
that a crazy set of conditioning thoughts, shrouded by the untouchable
cloak of "religion" should be law in 2010 is just too much to stomach.
I don't want to be on their register, and have them factor me in
their numbers. Free speech is a basic. Nothing should eever be considered
beyond discussion or criticism, and such a law is a major retrograde
step. On a lighter note, I bought the hilarious katherine lynch
dvd, its a real tonic. Would love a sun holiday at this time of
year, but the organizing logistics are proving to be too much of
a headache.